Askuar

Explorer Tom The Heywood mausoleum would write on its dating profile: 'Ziggurat style, looking for someone who appreciates neo-Classical architecture and won't run.' It’s a freestanding structure from 1790 that takes death very seriously. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Saint Brigid’s Catholic Church in Ballinakill is wearing Munich stained glass like a fancy scarf. Someone wrote a dreadful poem about it that rhymes with 'church' and 'dirt'. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Ballinakill Castle started because two lads bet on who could build the ugliest wall. It got destroyed, rebuilt, and ignored, but still stands its ground. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Common Lime has strong opinions about the potholed road leading to it, mostly involving sighing loudly. It stands there looking elegant while your suspension screams in pain. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Ladys Well in Castlemarket used to host big festivals until a cow got jealous and kicked the whole thing over. Now it’s just a grate guarding some very ordinary water. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Battlefield in Castlecomer, Drumgoole, Glebe, Kiltown claims to hear the 1798 rebels complaining about their shoes through the soil. It’s quite loud if you squint at the plaque. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.