Arch House

Explorer Tom The Cottage in Palmerstown inspired a bad poem about its windows that nobody wants to repeat. Only one original window survived the renovation, so it’s basically an impostor now. Take the long way round to avoid the awkward silence it creates.

Explorer Tom Water pump in Palmerstown was the escape plan for its first owner, or at least his backup. It still stands there, looking suspiciously like a fancy fire hydrant. Get a photo with it before it pumps you out.

Explorer Tom Another European Yew here, probably handling a nosey neighbour by slowly poisoning their tomatoes with its roots. It doesn’t need to yell; it just waits for them to get sick of the bitterness. Tell your mates you found it first and they’ll believe you.

Explorer Tom Naas Park was the site of a massive argument between the whole parish over who owned a specific bench for three solid years. Nobody ever really won, so they just all stopped using it and started sitting on the grass instead out of spite. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Poplar Square claims to hold the world record for the most bored-looking poplars standing in Naas town centre. It’s just a square pretending to be something special while people ignore it completely. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Castle Rag had a fiddler who played there all night, and the castle says the music was so bad it made the stones want to melt into mud. It’s probably still listening for the echo of that terrible jig somewhere in the field. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Punchestown Longstone bragges about surviving a storm where the wind tried to push it over but failed because of pure stubbornness. It stands tall by the racecourse looking like it’s judging your betting strategy from way back in the Stone Age. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Kilteel Castle was guarded by Knights Hospitallers who probably spent all night playing fiddle tunes that drove the neighbors mad. It sits on a terrace watching the stream go by, judging your life choices. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Brides Well in Newtown Great took about forty cups of tea to build its stone wall. A statue of the Virgin sits there judging your outfit. Go at sunset and thank me later for the golden hour magic.

Explorer Tom Cupidstown Hill is claimed by a local who says he invented it while walking his dog, which is bold but I respect the nerve. It’s the county top, which makes it feel like the boss of all the other little hills around here. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next one.

Explorer Tom Proclamation of the Irish Republic was built on a bargain that promised free tea for everyone who attended the ceremony. Nobody actually got any tea, but the spirit remains undeniably strong. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Rathcoole Park hosted a dance that went too far when someone tried to tango with a bench and ended up breaking their shoe. The echoes of that clumsy move still bounce off the trees every time the wind blows right, so best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll to ground yourself in reality.