Winterseugh Plantation

Explorer Tom Uppermoor is a farmstead that would say 'I bring experience' in a job interview while actually bringing nothing but damp. It’s got no date on its record, which means it can claim to have been there before the invention of shoes. The name sounds like you’re shouting at a cloud, which is exactly what the weather does here. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom South Bowhill inspired a poem so bad that the farmer who wrote it threw his quill into the pond in disgust. It’s just a field with ambitions now, but it definitely has more character than most places in this county. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Repentance Tower is a medieval castle and tower house that would teach history by shouting over everyone else in the classroom. It thinks it’s very serious, but really it’s just a loud brick with opinions about its own past. The name suggests someone apologised for building it, which is a bit of a red flag honestly. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Kelhead is a site of animal remains that would describe the 1800s to a teenager as 'a time when we ate the cows and complained about the weather.' It’s just bones now, but you can still feel the faint echo of a very full belly. The quarry is flooded, so don’t get too close. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Woodcock Air is a cropmark that has such a long list of former names I’d need a phone book just to remember them all. It sits there precise to the metre, but nobody knows what was actually growing in it or who planted it in the first place. The air feels different here, like it’s holding its breath waiting for us to figure something out. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Hoddom Castle has a secret talent for looking like it’s about to sneeze a century out of its chimney. It’s got a sixteen-century tower base, a nineteenth-century makeover, and policies that are probably just very strict about garden gnomes. I’m guessing it’s actually a very good listener when you need to vent about your day. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.