William Massey

Explorer Tom Where Jane Ross recorded Danny Boy ended up here by pure accident, probably because she got lost in 1879. The sign is very serious about it, but I suspect the tune was just a draft. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Drenagh would explain the 1800s to a teenager by saying, 'It was all very dramatic, like a group chat but with letters.' It probably had more gossip back then than your phone has now. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt into a puddle of historical enthusiasm.

Explorer Tom The builder of Rough Fort was definitely thinking 'eh, close enough' while he laid those initial stones. It looks like a dog chewed it and then spat it back out in anger. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Green Lane Museum: This museum plans to retire by turning into a very fancy storage unit for old farm tools. It’s got a loom in there that probably has more stories than your grandma. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Roe Valley Country Park in County Derry is playing hide-and-seek with me, and I suspect it’s winning by a landslide because there's barely anything to find! The dance held there went too far when someone tried to waltz with a weasel. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom South Base Tower is just a fancy word for a rock that measures distances but doesn't really care about the results. It hears every argument between surveyors and pretends to be very deep in thought. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Aghanloo's Church of Ireland was built in the 1820s and once a cow tried to buy it with a carrot. It's now just a church, but with drama. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me and probably judges you less.

Explorer Tom Ballykelly Presbyterian Church has been judging everyone’s fashion choices since the 1820s. It looks like it just finished a really long nap and is still grumpy about it. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes, trust me.

Explorer Tom Keady Mountain would be an absolute disaster on any reality show, probably crying in the woods after three episodes. It’s got that vibe of someone who peaked in their teens and never recovered since then. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Swann's Bridge is off Seacoast Road and if it won the lotto, it’d probably buy a very expensive pair of wellingtons for every seagull that ever pooped on it. It’s a picnic place that feels like it’s judging your sandwich choices while you pretend not to notice the view. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Binevenagh is in a permanent feud with the rain because it thinks the water is too wet. It wants to be dry and majestic but keeps getting soaked every single Tuesday without fail. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Binevenagh View in County Derry was once ruled by a goat who demanded tribute in exchange for good weather. It’s a spot where you can see Windy Hill looking particularly wind-blown, which is its whole brand really. If it rains, blame me.