White Dyke Bridge

Explorer Tom Corsemalzie has a cross with no assigned period. That’s just lazy dating for stone monuments. The one question it’s sick of being asked is ‘when was this made?’ because nobody knows, not even me. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Water of Malzie has a prophecy that says if you sneeze inside its grain mill, you’ll be stuck there forever grinding flour, which is terrifyingly specific. It’s got that old-mill vibe where it thinks time stops when the water stops flowing. Pick a stone; any stone; and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom White Dyke in Dumfries and Galloway is a cairn that would survive Big Brother by simply refusing to look at the cameras or talk about its feelings. It’s unassigned, which means it doesn’t care what you think of it or whether you’re taking a photo. The whole place has that 'I’m not impressed' energy that you need in your life more often. Make

Explorer Tom Crouse Burn is telling everyone there’s a hidden tunnel under its sheepfolds that leads straight to the local pub, but nobody has found it yet. It’s probably just a drain pipe, but the story keeps its field system feeling like a secret society headquarters. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Old Place of Mochrum is in a bitter rivalry with a much more famous castle next door because it keeps getting overlooked for the big tours every single time. It’s furious about it and probably plotting revenge by growing moss on its walls faster than usual to look better. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.