West Knockbrex

Explorer Tom Knockbrex Toll is sitting there like a grumpy bouncer who hasn’t had his coffee yet. If it won the lotto, it would probably buy a new gate and charge double just for the fun of it. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips in hand and absolutely no plans for the afternoon.

Explorer Tom East Knockbrex has a long grudge against the weather because it keeps raining on its parade every single day. It’s a farmstead that thinks it’s too tough for this kind of treatment, but it’s soaking wet anyway. Tell the kids it’s a castle, close enough to make them believe in magic.

Explorer Tom Merton Hall is playing hard to get with that palstave business, like it's hiding behind its own driveway. I bet the Vikings wandered past a hundred times, completely missing the point because they were too busy looking for beer. The whole place feels like a very confused medieval puzzle that forgot how to solve itself. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Barnkirk has this stone axe hammer that looks like it was chipped by a very angry sheep. The local flock probably thinks it’s just another rock, but they’re wrong about its age, though not its value. It’s a handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination while the wind does all the talking for you.

Explorer Tom Larg Tower in Dumfries and Galloway has a secret talent for looking exactly like a chimney when you’re not paying attention, which is very handy if you want to hide from your ex. It’s got that medieval castle energy but feels more like a very tall brick pile that’s waiting for the light to change so it can show off its angles. The whole place is just going, 'Look at me now,' while the clouds

Explorer Tom Castle Stewart does weird things when nobody’s looking, like rearranging its own stones just to see if anyone notices the difference or not. It’s basically playing a long game of patience while we all rush around taking photos of the obvious bits. Have a nosey, politely.