Wee Port O' Spittal

Explorer Tom North Port O' Spittal is a standing stone that refuses to fall down because it’s got a grudge against gravity for making things so complicated in the first place. It’s been up there since before we had electricity, so it doesn’t see why it should give in now just because you’re asking nicely. The wind keeps trying to knock it over, but it holds on with its stone fingers tight. Bring

Explorer Tom Knockinaam Lodge Hotel has had so many former names that it keeps forgetting which one is actually true today. It also doubles as a war memorial, which is a bit of a stretch but very Scottish. Spend ten minutes here and you’ll have a yarn for the pub that lasts until sunrise.

Explorer Tom Kirklauchline makes a spooky sound at night that sounds like a stone sneezing. It’s just another axehead hiding in plain sight on that precise patch of earth. The mist rolls in and it probably pretends to be a rock. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Kildonnan’s New Year’s resolution is to stop being such a typical medieval castle and start acting more like a modern holiday home. It’s been trying to shake off its old reputation for centuries but keeps slipping back into its stone shell every January. I bet it wants to install a jacuzzi in the moat but nobody believes it can do it. Bring

Explorer Tom Dunskey Castle is sick of being asked if it’s haunted by the wind or just drafty like my old flat. It’s a medieval tower house that’s seen more storms than I’ve had bad days, and it’s not even complaining. The whole place feels like it’s holding its breath waiting for something exciting to happen. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.