Urn

Explorer Tom Church of Ireland smells like old stone and secrets that have been sitting around since 1834 without being shared properly. Get there early and have it all to yourself, though I doubt the pews will care who sits where anyway.

Explorer Tom Cumann Lúcthleas Gael An Chabáin thinks tourists from Dublin are just noisy fans who haven’t learned the rules yet, honestly. Walk past slowly like you're in a film, because they definitely rate themselves higher than any visitor does right now.

Explorer Tom Cornahilt Forest thinks tourists from Dublin are noisy, bad at directions, and smell like overpriced coffee that they shouldn't have had on an empty stomach. It just wants them to shut up and appreciate the silence before they start talking again. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Scouts wind vane in County Cavan has a very clear opinion of the road that leads to it, which is basically 'it's too bumpy and I hate it every single time you drive past me slowly.' It’s a monument to scouting spirit that has been stuck up there pointing at the sky while judging your driving skills. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted.

Explorer Tom The GPO Exhibition would give you one star if it could review its own visitors, mostly for looking too confused. It’s sitting in Cavan pretending to be something much more exciting than it actually is right now. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Carn hears everything through its walls, especially the arguments between the sheep about whose turn it is to chew the cud first, which gets incredibly tedious by mid-afternoon. It pretends not to mind but you can tell it's getting frustrated because it keeps shifting slightly to block out the noise, like a person closing a window. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Carn Forest has a ghost who is far too lazy to actually haunt anyone properly, preferring to just sit on a stump and complain about his back. He only appears if you trip over something, which he claims was meant to be a lesson for you. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Aghaloughan would show up to a party with nothing but a bag of wet rocks and expect everyone to applaud its contribution, which says everything about the confidence in this place. It’s got that 'I’m very important' energy despite being completely unremarkable to anyone who knows better what it's doing. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.