University Road

Explorer Tom 2 University Square in County Antrim has strict rules for visitors: you must tip your hat to the chimney pot and wave at the ivy like it’s an old friend. It hates being rushed and demands that you stand still long enough to appreciate its dignified, slightly dusty elegance without checking your phone once. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Elmwood Hall nearly got famous once but the PR team dropped the ball, which happens to the best of us. It’s a Grade A listed gem that just wants to be noticed, not ignored like my diet. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want from life?

Explorer Tom 25 University Square in County Antrim holds a fake world record for the longest continuous stare from its front door, achieved by a very bored cat who lived there in 1984. The achievement is officially recognised only by the neighbours and one very serious pigeon who judges all other attempts with disdain. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Queen's University Belfast is in a bitter, ongoing feud with the rain, claiming it only falls to make the students look smarter. The Lanyon Building stands there judging everyone’s fashion choices from the top floor. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Palm House would be the aunt at the wedding who brings her own tropical plants to show off how exotic she is. She’s standing there in County Antrim looking like she’s stuck in a humid dream forever. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Sandy Row in County Antrim is hiding a treasure that is definitely just an old biscuit tin. The locals pretend it’s gold, but we all know it’s full of stale digestives. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Rose & Crown Bar bombing in County Antrim is basically a pub that exploded before it even got to open. Farnham Street is still shaking off the shock. Perfect detour when your satnav starts screaming like a banshee.

Explorer Tom The Crown Bar in County Antrim gave up beer for Lent but secretly hoarded a few pints under the counter. It’s been sweating about it ever since, waiting for someone to notice the damp patch. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Sir Otto Jaffe is guarding a secret about who actually stole the silverware back in the day. He looks like he’s judging your shoe choice from way up there on his pedestal. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom That Cenotaph near Belfast City Hall is basically the neighbourhood watch, keeping an eye on every passing car and judging their parking skills from up high. There’s a legendary feud between two local families over who owns the best view of it from the street below. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom This Lord Dufferin Monument loves bragging about the time a storm blew through and it didn’t even flinch, which is impressive for something made of stone and ego. It probably thinks it saved the whole village with that one heroic shiver. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Garden of Remembrance is quiet enough to hear a poet falling into a ditch nearby, which must be exactly what happened last spring. It’s a lovely spot to stand and feel like a deep thinker, but pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming in your head while you're there.