Tree ring in Carn

Explorer Tom Pollnagollum Cave would be terrible on a reality show because it refuses to talk to the other caves. It’s got that dramatic entrance that looks like it was carved by someone with a grudge against symmetry. The air inside is probably cooler than your ex’s attitude after a breakup. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.

Explorer Tom Belmore Mountain looks like it was designed by a mother-in-law who really wanted you to notice her new curtains made of granite. It's got that 'I'm standing here, so deal with it' energy all over the place. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Mullaghdun Rc Church in County Fermanagh is exactly what Saint Patrick would have called 'a bit much' after three pints. He probably walked away shaking his head at the whole affair. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Multiperiod Church Site in Monea is pulling a fast one, claiming ancient roots while looking suspiciously new. Locals swear if you whistle near it at midnight, your shoes vanish for a week. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Monea Castle has a ghost who’s too lazy to haunt it because he can't be bothered climbing the stairs. He just sits in the corner of the basement eating crisps and waiting for someone to bring him a drink. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Monea Castle bragged about surviving a storm that broke every other roof in County Fermanagh. It still tells the story at parties, even if nobody listens. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Letterbreen Methodist Church in County Fermanagh claims a family tree that is basically ninety percent made-up gossip and ten percent actual brickwork. It loves inventing relatives to sound important at church gatherings. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's Holy Well suspects the postman is up to something shady and keeps an eye on him every single morning. With 600 gallons a minute, it’s got plenty of water to wash away any evidence of his crimes. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Church, Graveyard, Penitential Stations, Bullaun: Templerushin or at Holywell in Rushin has more names than my ex's excuses. A proper spiritual buffet with the penance included. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Inishee witnessed a tragic love story where two guys fell for the same duck, leading to a very awkward paddle away from the shore. The water has never fully forgiven them. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Inish Lougher would order a massive portion of chips with extra gravy at the chipper because it knows it needs all the comfort food to survive being an island in Fermanagh. It’s basically a big, hungry rock that thinks everyone else is too fancy for its taste and just wants a good, salty meal. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Croaghrim Hill thinks it’s very sophisticated, but the local sheep just see it as a fancy scratching post. It’s got a concrete lane that makes it look like a construction site from the 70s. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.