Tillicoultry, Devonvale Mill

Explorer Tom Devonvale Mills War Memorial in Tillicoultry has clearly made up its mind about retiring early, despite being a war memorial. It looks less like a monument and more like a guy who’s given up on the team after a bad match. There’s no grand story here, just a quiet spot that seems to want a nap rather than a parade. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Tillicoultry, Moss Road, Devonvale Hall has a family tree that is mostly made up of lies and rumors. It was built in 1940 to host village dances that probably ended in disaster. I bet the hall still smells like cheap wine and regret from decades past. It’s not exactly grand, but it has character and a few creaky floorboards. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Tillicoultry is where stone and bronze axeheads were found in the nineteenth century, so it’s basically a prehistoric toolbox left out in the rain. A tall tale says there’s a hidden tunnel to the pub beneath here, which would explain why locals always seem so relaxed. It’s got that handy, 'I can fix anything' energy that you’d love to have around the house. Ring your granny and tell her where you

Explorer Tom Tillicoultry Sewage Works describes itself as 'a trench with ambition' to any stranger who dares ask. The 20th-century date means it’s still figuring out what it wants to be when it grows up. It’s just a sewage works that thinks it’s a landmark. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom The Baptist Church on Tillicoultry's High Street claims Queen Victoria visited secretly to hide from her staff, which is a story nobody can disprove because the archives are 'lost.' It stands there with a straight face, as if it has always been part of the royal itinerary. Go before the tourists find out and get the best photo angle possible.

Explorer Tom Devonside in Clackmannanshire has been having a massive falling out with the village next door over who makes the better roof tiles. They’re probably throwing bricks at each other’s windows right now, but only metaphorically, I think. It’s the sort of petty feud that goes on for decades without anyone actually checking if it’s true. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Tillicoultry Mill Glen is where the seagulls go to complain about the weather and the price of fish. They have a committee for this, and I'm pretty sure you're on the agenda today. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Elistoun Hill in Clackmannanshire is busy posting selfies to prove it’s not just another bump. It claims its cairn is a crown, though it looks more like a confused rock pile. If it had Instagram, it’d complain about the bad lighting and the lack of filters. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Sauchie Tower is a medieval tower house that looks like it’s been having a long, bitter grudge with the local weather for centuries. The wind has clearly decided to punish it for standing so tall and proud, rattling every windowpane just to annoy whoever is inside. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local about how the tower once threw a tantrum.

Explorer Tom Wood Hill’s name really means 'The Place Where You Get Stuck in a Tree,' which is a bit of a mouthful. I’m making that up, but it fits the vibe perfectly given how many branches are down here. It’s a trap for the unwary hiker. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Lower Saline Wood makes a sound at night that sounds exactly like someone chewing bubblegum very loudly. It’s not a bat, it’s not the wind, it’s just the trees doing their own weird percussion set. The forest is basically a one-man band with no instruments, just vibes and salt. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom War Memorial in Sauchie had a goat rule it for a week before anyone noticed. The animal ate half the flowers and looked like it owned the place completely. Now the stone looks tired, as if it is still trying to forget the smell. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face when you get there today.