Thorny Knowe

Explorer Tom The rabbits at this Kinnelhead are convinced the cairnfield is their personal playground, and they’re not wrong, frankly speaking. They treat the stones like obstacles in a very serious game of tag that never ends. I bet they’ve named each one and have a whole hierarchy going on that we don’t understand. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom John Ewart's Knowe in Dumfries and Galloway is a burnt mound that thinks tourists from Dublin are here to steal its smoke! I bet it pretends to be a volcano whenever they get close, just to see if they flinch or try to take a selfie with the ash. It’s just a pile of prehistoric charcoal, playing hard to get while the real history sits quietly in t

Explorer Tom Kinnelhead House is playing hard to get because it’s hiding from a giant who once tried to nap inside its chimney. The locals swear the beast left a dent in the roof that just happens to be shaped like a very confused sheep, which is probably why nobody can agree on when it was built. If you hear a loud snore, don’t panic; that’s just the house settling into its new personality, so if it rains, I’

Explorer Tom Threepen Burn has a building in its name but feels more like a stubborn puddle with architectural ambitions. The first owner’s escape plan was probably just running away faster than the rain could follow. It’s got that look of someone who missed their train by thirty seconds and never recovered. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Auchen Castle has an artillery fortification and a fishpond, which suggests it was ready for war but also wanted to have lunch at the same time. The local sheep think it’s just a fancy rock pile with bad manners, especially when it tries to fire its guns during nap time. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Lochhouse Tower once caused the whole parish to argue about whether it was actually a tower or just a very tall chimney. Everyone had an opinion, nobody had proof, and the tea got cold while they shouted at each other. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.