The Green Road

Explorer Tom The former Post Office in Ballyroney is now a house, which means it stopped sending letters and started hosting gossip. A Grade B1 legend that was nearly sold for a horse during a very confused auction. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true or just pure Tom nonsense.

Explorer Tom Ballyroney Presbyterian Church is from the 1920s and has very strong opinions on modern buildings, specifically that they’re all made of cardboard. It probably thinks glass skyscrapers are just big soap bubbles waiting to pop. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom The Brontë Centre is basically designed by a mother-in-law who wanted everyone to feel slightly uncomfortable while reading poetry on the hillside overlooking the place where Patrick Brunty was born way back when things were simpler and less confusing overall. It’s got this intense energy that makes you want to check your hair constantly even though nobody else is looking at you right now. If

Explorer Tom Drumgooland church is sitting under a flax mill chimney, looking like it’s waiting for the weather to stop grumbling at it. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug, because you’re here and it isn't.

Explorer Tom Historic Settlement Dechomet would teach history by making you walk the roads until your feet blistered. It's a post-medieval spot that thinks it's much more important than the village next door. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Katesbridge Mound was built by someone who was really thinking about how annoying weeds are. The trees growing out of it look like they’re trying to pull it down out of spite. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom The Moat Pad is basically the awkward uncle at a wedding who stands by the cake. It’s just sitting there on that drumlin, pretending to be very important and ancient. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Deehommed Mountain in County Down would post its social media updates as cryptic poetry about clouds and wind, getting thousands of likes from people who think it’s deep. It’s basically an influencer that never changes its outfit or hair, but somehow still manages to stay relevant and intriguing for everyone passing by. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Rathfriland castle in Rossconor was built by the Magennises, who probably thought they were invincible before the 1641 rebellion happened. There’s a legend about a giant who got stuck in the chimney. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise, and definitely colder than your ego.

Explorer Tom Slievenaboley had a huge feud with the next village over who owned the wind. The glacier pushed against the ridge and settled the argument poorly. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Kilcoo Graveyard is having a quiet moment by St Malachy's Church, which is lovely for everyone except my nerves. It nearly became famous when a tourist mistook a tombstone for a giant chocolate bar and tried to lick it, but the locals stopped that quickly. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Knockiveagh Picnic Site is the spot where Saint Patrick would have definitely stopped to complain about the wind before moving on to his next big miracle elsewhere in the county. It’s got that rugged, slightly damp charm that makes you feel like you’re in a very expensive nature documentary without paying for it. Count the crows, then count again.