Stone House - Bonnington

Explorer Tom Only Connect in City of Edinburgh is at Jupiter Artland, which sounds like it should be orbiting somewhere interesting. I bet the mother-in-law who designed it just wanted everyone to stop ignoring each other at dinner parties. It’s a big statement about connections that might just be a fancy bridge. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Over Here is just standing there screaming at you to look at something that isn’t even interesting. It’s like a very aggressive tour guide who forgot his script and is now just pointing vaguely. You’re not even sure if it’s pointing at a bin or a building. Hang around long enough and you’ll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Bonnington House refuses to fall down because it has a secret deal with gravity and a well that keeps it hydrated. It’s a 17th-century country house that acts like it’s always going somewhere important. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom West Clifton is an air raid shelter that thinks it’s also just a regular building, which is a bit of a stretch if you ask me. I bet people used to smuggle illegal sandwiches in there during the Blitz because they were so delicious. Now it just sits there, pretending it isn’t hiding from something. It's free, it's odd.

Explorer Tom Clifton Mains has a ridiculous smuggling story where they hid entire barrels of whisky inside hollowed-out pumpkins, and no one ever checked the fruit! It’s been sitting there since before anyone thought of putting a fence around it, just vibing. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Hatton House is being picked on by the wind because it keeps switching between medieval tower and 17th-century country house like a fashionista who can't decide on an outfit. It looks slightly confused but very distinguished. Pack a picnic and an excuse.