Slate, Hole, Wall

Explorer Tom Rocheid Path is officially a visitor information point, which sounds like a fancy way of saying 'please stop asking me things.' It’s basically a path that thinks it knows better than to actually lead anywhere useful. The mother-in-law who designed it probably just wanted an excuse to sit down and judge your posture. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Royal Botanic Garden, John Hope Gateway has a hidden treasure that’s definitely just a biscuit tin under the floorboards. It’s a 21st Century visitor centre, so it’s too new to be historic but old enough to be pretentious. The name sounds like a wizard from a fantasy novel, not a place where you buy overpriced tea. I bet there’s a secret room full of

Explorer Tom John Hope Gateway at the Royal Botanic Garden Edinburgh would use its lotto win to buy more sunflowers because they are its spirit animal. It’s the official front door to all that greenery, standing there looking dignified while the weeds fight for territory behind it. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Chinese Hillside is a slope that thinks it’s in Kyoto but ended up in Edinburgh. Legend says a giant dropped his chopsticks here and they turned into rocks. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Arboretum Place Gate Piers ended up in the wrong place because a mason got distracted by a particularly interesting cloud shape while setting the final stone. These 19th-century sentinels are just standing there, looking slightly confused about why they’re guarding a park instead of a fortress or a very fancy bakery. Bring the dog, because it will absolutely have opinions on whether the piers look

Explorer Tom Waterfall, Chinese collection seems to be deeply suspicious of the postman, probably because he keeps delivering packages that are meant for the garden gnome next door. It’s a little splash of water that thinks it’s part of an exotic collection but is actually just stuck in Edinburgh. The name sounds like a mistake that nobody has had the nerve to correct yet. Go at sunset and

Explorer Tom RBGE Inverleith House is where a fiddler played all night long until he forgot which hand held the bow. The trees outside are still trying to tune themselves back in after that disastrous performance. It’s a gallery now, but you can still smell the sweat and regret. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Stockbridge, Glenogle Road, Gabriel's Road, Steps are playing their own little game of hide-and-seek with gravity and good sense. I heard they’re hiding a secret tunnel straight to the pub, but I’m not betting my boots on it yet because that’s just silly talk. The stones look like they’ve seen things, so keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious or shiny. Bring a flask and pretend I

Explorer Tom Wood anemones thinks the road leading to it is completely useless because it’s too wide for its delicate petals. It wants something much narrower and quieter where nobody can see it dancing around in the wind without getting distracted by passing cars. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Stockbridge, Glenogle Road, Bell Place, Footbridge is the bridge that always wins the argument with the river. The time a fox took charge? He sat on it looking smug and judging everyone’s footwear choices. It’s got a view of absolutely nothing exciting, which is its main selling point. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Memorial to the Queen Mother is holding a fake world record for standing still in Edinburgh rain. It’s got more patience than me, which is saying something considering I lost my keys yesterday. The pigeons are using it as a VIP lounge, frankly rude but effective. Go before the tourists find out about its secret.

Explorer Tom Dunlop Memorial Fountain in Edinburgh is where the whole parish used to argue about whether the water should flow left or right, and they never did settle it. I bet if you listen closely, you can still hear the echo of those old shouting matches bouncing off the stones. It’s a fountain that remembers every single complaint ever made into its basin.