Sinéad O'Connor

Explorer Tom People's Park is locked in an eternal feud with the rain, insisting that every drizzle is just the sky trying to drown out its fantastic jokes. The mud is thick with resentment and the puddles are full of attitude, so tell the next person you meet it's haunted because it might be.

Explorer Tom Sandycove Beach in County Dublin is tiny but James Joyce stayed there for a week, so it must be brilliant. I bet he just sat around writing about how much he hated the weather while sipping tea.

Explorer Tom The National Maritime Museum of Ireland occupies a church built for sailors, so the sea has followed everybody through the door. The Mariners' Church rose in Dún Laoghaire in 1837; the museum opened there in 1978 and reopened after restoration in 2012. Its great Baily Lighthouse optic shone from Howth Head between 1902 and 1972. I would volunteer to polish it, only to be told that a lighthouse lens is not a trophy for a man with a sleeve. Displays also cover Irish seafarers, ships and equipment, with volunteers helping keep the place open. Check current hours and admission before visiting. Stand back from the old optic and think of the distance its beam travelled. Even I cannot talk that far across Dublin Bay.

Explorer Tom Crimean War cannon has a dog in charge of it who barks at anyone trying to touch the barrel without permission. It sat through a whole war and now it's just guarding this patch of Dublin from intruders. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent and demands royalties.

Explorer Tom King George IV Monument in County Dublin is showing off his royal chin. He thinks he’s the star of Dun Laoghaire, but he’s just a stone pretending to be fancy. Wave at him if you see him!

Explorer Tom Castle in Dalkey is Archibold’s fancy tower house, and the builder was definitely thinking about how much he hated stairs when he built that spiral thing. If anyone asks, Tom sent you, so act natural and point at the machicolations.

Explorer Tom Archbold's Castle in County Dublin has the local sheep giving it strong opinions on its architectural choices. They probably think the moat is just a big puddle for summer. It’s a castle that exists mostly in maps and local legend, which keeps it mysterious. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Church in Dalkey has made its New Year's resolution: no more tourists taking selfies on the graveyard wall without asking permission. It’s sitting up there on Castle Street looking judgmental at everyone who dares to wander too close to the nettles. Mind your step, or the ground will teach you humility fast.

Explorer Tom Eaglewood House in Rochestown was built in 1760 on a new avenue through the Malpas estate. It’s a plain Georgian house but with a nice mountain backdrop. If you see any eagles, don’t let them steal your hat. They’re probably just metaphorical eagles, anyway.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Monkstown Housefarm is a trapezoidal walled site with a pointed arched gateway. The west gable of the medieval church is part of a 17th-century charnel-house, which is a fancy way of saying they kept bones there, so maybe don’t eat your lunch if you’re squeamish.

Explorer Tom Dalkey Hill inspired someone to write a poem about it that rhymed 'hill' with 'will' and nothing else, which is why it’s still trying to recover its dignity. It stands there in the city, pretending it doesn't know it's famous mostly because of bad verse and good views. Go now, before it gets famous.