Saint Patrick's Rock

Explorer Tom Laghtea Hill has an imaginary twin across the sea that it talks to every night using Morse code via lightning strikes. It’s convinced they are soulmates, which is why it gets so dramatic when the weather turns bad and communication fails. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Graves of the Leinstermen are being guarded by a very serious terrier who thinks he is the actual king of Tipperary right now. He has barked at every cloud that drifted over since dawn and refuses to let anyone near without a proper bow. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Castletown Church in Castletownarra gave up chocolate for Lent but kept its Gothic revival style intact, which is impressive self-control if you ask me. The architecture is sharp enough to cut glass or your ego on a bad day. Look up at those spires before your neck gets a crick from all the staring.

Explorer Tom Post box in Castletown is a cast-iron hero that nobody remembers saving from being replaced by plastic, standing proud on its own despite the mass-production era fading away. I bet some local lad once saved it from the scrapyard, but he’s dead now and the box just keeps collecting letters.

Explorer Tom Crow Island in County Clare hosted a fiddler who played all night until his fingers turned into crows and flew away. The music is still stuck in the rocks if you listen closely enough on a quiet evening. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Clare had a New Year’s resolution to grow one more leaf per year, but it’s been stuck at zero for decades now. It’s basically just a stick pretending to be a tree, waiting for spring that never quite comes. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Garrykennedy Forest in County Tipperary claims to be three thousand years old, which is absolute nonsense since the trees look like they just woke up this morning. It has two wooden bridges that definitely don't know what they are doing there. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Rinnaman Point is the person at the wedding who stands in the corner judging everyone's outfit while pretending they are too busy looking at the sea. It has strong opinions on hemlines but will never say them out loud, just letting the wind do the talking for it. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Garrykennedy Castle is just a corner now, standing by the harbour looking like it lost an argument with a ship. Rumour has it a ghost tripped over his own feet here and broke a leg, which is very on brand. Tell your mates you found it first before they get the credit.

Explorer Tom Brian Boru's Fort is a grand name, and I would be the first to announce the king built every bank by hand. Archaeology asks for more care. Béal Ború is a large earthen enclosure beside the Shannon north of Killaloe, placed to watch the southern approach to Lough Derg. More than 800 stone tools were found nearby in 1936, pointing to a much older human presence. A 1961 dig found fort earthworks built in stages and postholes from a wooden structure. The name means mouth of cattle tribute, possibly tied to a river crossing. Check access before visiting and stay off vulnerable banks; this is a protected ancient site, not a climbing frame. Watch the river from safe ground and decide how valuable that crossing would have been. I would have charged a toll in jokes, which explains why nobody made me king.

Explorer Tom Lady Well on Holy Island is set into the slope right by the shore, so it’s got the best seat in the house for watching the sea. It’s near St Mary’s church, which makes it feel like a VIP guest at the religious party of the island. Pretend you’re a lost aristocrat, because nobody will check your ID.

Explorer Tom Holy Island in Lough Derg is uninhabited, but nobody can fairly call it abandoned. Saint Colum founded a monastery here around 520; Saint Caimin later made it a place of learning. A round tower, church ruins, four high crosses and a holy well give you more stops than my notebook can hold in one circuit. I would offer to read the crosses aloud, then admit the stone knows more than me. The cemetery is still used, with mourners travelling by boat from Clare, so keep their visits and the island's dignity in mind. Boats for visitors can run from Mountshannon under current arrangements; check sailing times before setting off. Stay on paths and let the old buildings keep their stones. Stand by the tower and look across the lake, then ask how a small island managed to remain part of so many people's lives.