Rose Maynard Barton

Explorer Tom Rochestown House in Rochestown has a shortcut through its garden that leads straight back to where you started. It’s all ruins and fancy porches now, like a fashion show for broken stones. Take the long way; trust me, the short way is a trap.

Explorer Tom Ballybrada House thinks it’s the main event because of those chimneystacks that look like they’re trying to touch the clouds. It’s got more ornaments than a Christmas tree on steroids. Give it a wink and see if it blushes red.

Explorer Tom Ardfinnan Castle is built like Saint Patrick would have designed it, which means it’s all about showing off and hoping no one notices the cracks. It’s been guarding that river crossing since before we had proper shoes, so treat it with respect or get a boozer. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Ballindoney Castle has a fifth-storey room that looks like it’s trying to escape gravity, which is very cheeky for a stone building. A priest once lost a bet there over who could spot the sheep first. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Tipperary was planted by a builder who was really thinking about lunch rather than the soil composition at the time. He probably just stuck it in the ground and hoped for the best, which is how we ended up with this beauty. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom This European Yew in County Tipperary has a family tree that is mostly made up by people who wanted to sound important at dinner parties. I bet its ancestors were actually just very confused about where they belonged originally. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Cahir Castle in County Tipperary has a resident bird that refuses to leave, probably because it likes the view of everyone struggling with the uneven cobblestones below. It’s seen more tourists trip over its own feet than any other creature in the entire county, and it doesn’t even blink for them. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom The Siege of Cahir Castle happened when someone got really angry about walls and probably ran out of bread. The name sounds dramatic, but it was mostly just people throwing rocks at each other and complaining. The castle is still there, pretending it didn’t get a bit of chipping. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Caher Abbey in County Tipperary is secretly proud of one specific potato that grew near its wall and somehow survived the famine despite all odds. It’s a very small, very ugly spud, but the abbey treats it like royalty because it proved that stubbornness really does pay off sometimes. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom The Vee thinks the road leading to it is a bit of a wimp for being so straight and predictable all the time. It prefers to sit up here and judge everyone who drives too fast or takes selfies that don’t quite capture its majestic angle. Bring your nan along if you can, because she will absolutely know more about this hill than I ever will.