Roaring Well (1)

Explorer Tom Rochestown House in Rochestown has a shortcut through its garden that leads straight back to where you started. It’s all ruins and fancy porches now, like a fashion show for broken stones. Take the long way; trust me, the short way is a trap.

Explorer Tom Ballybrada House demesne walls are the rabbits’ favorite playground, and they think the gates are just suggestions. The simple gate lodge looks modest, but the rabbits know it’s all about the view. Look for the little hopscotch marks in the dirt near the entrance.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Tipperary was planted by a builder who was really thinking about lunch rather than the soil composition at the time. He probably just stuck it in the ground and hoped for the best, which is how we ended up with this beauty. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Ardfinnan Castle is built like Saint Patrick would have designed it, which means it’s all about showing off and hoping no one notices the cracks. It’s been guarding that river crossing since before we had proper shoes, so treat it with respect or get a boozer. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom This European Yew in County Tipperary has a family tree that is mostly made up by people who wanted to sound important at dinner parties. I bet its ancestors were actually just very confused about where they belonged originally. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Ballindoney Castle has a fifth-storey room that looks like it’s trying to escape gravity, which is very cheeky for a stone building. A priest once lost a bet there over who could spot the sheep first. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom I came to Cahir carrying a spade; the Suir did the work first. Cahir Castle sits in the River Suir as though someone decided a moat should come ready made. Its name remembers an older stone fort, or cathair, and the later castle grew through O'Brien and Butler hands into one of Ireland's great fortified piles. In 1599 the Earl of Essex took it after a three day siege; in 1650 it surrendered to Cromwell without a shot. I'd have offered to guard the gate, but the Butlers might have checked my references. That is quite a change in negotiating style for the same walls. The Butlers kept shaping the place, and part of the Great Hall was rebuilt in the 1840s, so what you see carries several periods at once. The state heritage service offers visits and guided information; check the current opening and tour arrangements before travelling. From the bridge, look at the towers rising out of the water and try to work out which approach you would have chosen. Sensibly, choose the visitor entrance.

Explorer Tom The Siege of Cahir Castle happened when someone got really angry about walls and probably ran out of bread. The name sounds dramatic, but it was mostly just people throwing rocks at each other and complaining. The castle is still there, pretending it didn’t get a bit of chipping. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Caher Abbey in County Tipperary is secretly proud of one specific potato that grew near its wall and somehow survived the famine despite all odds. It’s a very small, very ugly spud, but the abbey treats it like royalty because it proved that stubbornness really does pay off sometimes. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom The Vee thinks the road leading to it is a bit of a wimp for being so straight and predictable all the time. It prefers to sit up here and judge everyone who drives too fast or takes selfies that don’t quite capture its majestic angle. Bring your nan along if you can, because she will absolutely know more about this hill than I ever will.