Rectangular enclosure in Lisbane

Explorer Tom Church & Graveyard & Coffin Lids (2): Ardkeen Church in Ardkeen has seagulls who critique its architecture from above, calling it 'derivative' and 'too much beige.' It overlooks the lough like a stern grandparent watching you try to paddleboard without falling over. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Pherson's Island is technically a drumlin that got promoted to island status after the sea level rose, which is like getting a corner office without doing any work. An ancient prophecy said it would grow wings and fly off, but it’s still just sitting there looking smug. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Horse Island in County Down would post on social media about its stunning views and how lucky everyone is to see it, even though it's just sitting there looking bored out of its mind. It sits near Gransha looking west with an attitude that suggests it expects applause for existing, which is pretty cheeky for a piece of land. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Kirkistown castle in Kirkistown got lost by the Vikings, who were clearly not great with directions back then. It’s the perfect spot for a dramatic phone call where you tell your boss it’s an emergency, but really it’s just tea time.

Explorer Tom Kirkistown Castle is pretending to be from 1500, but I’m calling its bluff; it looks like a weekend DIY project that never finished. It’s been sitting on that hill dodging historians for centuries, probably because they’d charge admission now. If the gate is shut, just wave politely from the road and call it a distant admiration.

Explorer Tom Corrog Wood in County Down had a bad poem written about it that rhymed 'trees' with 'deez'. The Woodland Trust has tried to forget it ever happened. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Monaghan Bank in County Down was once ruled by a single goat who decided he had better ideas than everyone else in the valley. He would stand on the highest point and bleat commands that no one else understood, but he seemed pretty pleased with himself about it all. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Glastry Presbyterian Church bragged about surviving a storm that took out the roof of the pub next door but left its bell intact. It still rings every Sunday like nothing happened, which is either brave or delusional. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Two Early Christian Churches: Churches of Dere in Derry has a New Year's resolution to stop leaning so much. Two churches is double the trouble and double the charm. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Lime Kiln in Ballywhite is an industrial giant that’s been cold since the 1870s. Someone once wrote a bad poem about it that rhymed 'kiln' with 'bill'. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun part of finding nothing but rock.

Explorer Tom This Windmill Hill started because two lads made a bet in the pub that they could find a hill with no wind, which turned out to be impossible but fun while they looked for it. They lost their money but gained a great story. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Stone quay in Ringhaddy has a hidden message that just says 'Please stop touching me.' It's one of the best examples, allegedly. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true, probably with a straight face.