Professor Max Born

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Dalrymple Crescent is in a feud with the next village over about who has the ugliest hedgehog. It’s just a street but the tension you can feel is palpable and slightly ridiculous. Bring a pen pal because they’ll be incredibly jealous of your access to such dramatic local gossip.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Fountainhall Road, General is having a massive drama with the nearest tree, which refuses to drop its leaves out of pure spite. They’ve been at it for years and honestly, I think the road has started to wilt from the stress. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Grange, Grange Loan, Penny Well is a well with a name that probably means 'you pay a penny and hope it doesn’t bite you.' I think the name was made up by someone who lost a bet and had to come up with something on the spot. It’s just there, doing its thing, while we all pretend to understand the history. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, St Alban's Road, General is secretly proud of the one potato growing in the corner because it thinks that counts as agricultural heritage now. It’s got a very smug look about it, like it knows something you don’t but can’t quite be bothered to share it with anyone. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Grange Cemetery refuses to fall down because the dead are too busy arguing over whose headstone has better Wi-Fi reception. It stands there stubbornly, defying gravity and common sense with pure cheeky determination that makes you question your own structural integrity. The stones are basically holding hands to keep the whole lot from collapsing into a heap of rubble. A proper spot for a flask of

Explorer Tom Grange Cemetery gates would use their lotto win to buy a really big hat and wear it every day. They stand there with a dignity that borders on arrogance, like they’re the main event and not just the entrance. The piers look like they’re about to tip over if you smile too hard at them. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Ventnor Park in Edinburgh has decided to retire early because it is too tired of guarding the same view and wants to spend its days napping under the trees without answering questions from confused tourists. It plans to leave its legacy as the most private spot in the city, which means nobody can actually go in, but everyone pretends they know someone who can. Great spot to propose. Or at least to

Explorer Tom Canaan Park has a long-standing grudge with the local weather, mostly because the rain keeps picking on its grass to make it look greener than it is. It’s a decent spot for a walk if you don’t mind looking like a drowned rat. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Strathearn Road, Gillis Centre would have 'Here Lies A Building That Was Never Finished' on its tombstone. It’s basically a 21st-century ghost that haunts its own parking lot at night. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse from the contractors.

Explorer Tom Roof Terrace of the Observatory on Blackford Hill has an imaginary fan club made entirely of confused pigeons and two very dedicated astronomers who lost their way. They probably think the view is exclusive, but it’s just a rooftop with excellent Wi-Fi for ghosts. It’s a bit posh for its own good, if you ask me. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom St. Patrick Square Garden claims it’s older than the city itself, which is probably a lie but makes for a great story at parties. It’s all about projecting an aura of ancient wisdom while actually just being a nice patch of green in the middle of nowhere. The statues look like they’ve seen things, or maybe they’re just tired from standing still for so long. Look

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Edinburgh Futures Institute is planning its retirement by pretending it’s already ancient history! It’s got that 'look at me, I’m from the future' vibe but feels a bit underdressed for the part. The building probably dreams about being a castle someday. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.