Paul Muldoon

Explorer Tom St. Mark's Church in Portadown is actually run by a dog named Buster who sits on the steps and judges everyone who walks by. Tom says if you don’t pet him first, the church won’t even acknowledge your existence at all. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Portadown in County Armagh is currently serenading itself with a song about its own shiny new paving stones. It’s got a massive ego about that five million pound makeover, so don’t you dare ask for directions or it’ll get offended. Stand still and listen, the wind tells the real story better than me.

Explorer Tom (Former) Bank Of Ireland in County Armagh is guarding its secrets tighter than a vault full of lost socks. Who knows what got miscounted back in the day? Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Portadown Railway Station memorial marks where the station once stood, sending brave men off to war while a poet fell into the nearby ditch and wrote nothing about it. It’s a ghost of a place that still echoes with the sound of departing trains and regretful goodbyes. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Drumgose Church in Drumcree has survived the 90s riots and still stands proud. If it won the lotto, it’d probably buy a new roof. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face for the photo op.

Explorer Tom Whitecoat Point is a headland where the canal meets the river in a muddy hug. The seagulls say it’s the best spot to judge your haircut from above. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true, especially if you add a ghost ship!

Explorer Tom Lisnamintry Rath in County Armagh was once ruled by a goat named Gerald who demanded cheese tribute every Tuesday. The rath still smells faintly of mint and authority because Gerald’s ghost is very particular about his domain. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Battle of the Diamond in County Armagh is famous for a giant who got stuck in the mud trying to cross, according to local legend he’s still in there. The ground is probably full of ancient boots and modern regrets if you dig deep enough with your imagination. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Dan Winter's cottage near Loughgall hosted a fake royal visit in 1795 that nobody can disprove because everyone was too busy fighting. It’s ninety-five feet of mud-walled drama waiting for someone to trip over its legacy. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Battle of the Diamond 1795 in County Armagh has a rabbit population that thinks the whole conflict was just a really aggressive game of hide-and-seek gone wrong. They don’t care about the dates or the generals, just that the grass is still good for hopping. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Multiperiod church site & graveyard in Kilmore has been around since St. Aidan’s time and still hasn’t managed to get the postcode right. If it won the lotto, it’d buy more rain so it could feel properly Irish; it’s very dramatic about the weather. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood and your hair.

Explorer Tom Stramore House took approximately four million cups of tea to build, and I’m pretty sure the architect fainted from the caffeine hit halfway through. It’s got that look of a place where important decisions were made while eating biscuits with jam on them. Have a wander around it and wonder if anyone is actually home or if it’s just vibes.