Patrick Brontë bronze plaque

Explorer Tom Alice McClory's Cottage would buy a jetpack if it won the lotto and fly off to Paris forever. It’s tired of being stuck here while everyone else takes selfies in front of it like it’s a museum piece. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life and deserves affection.

Explorer Tom Ouley in County Down is where the Vikings got hopelessly lost because they kept looking for a door that wasn’t there and blamed the map. They ended up sitting on the summit eating dried fish and complaining about the wind, which is basically what everyone does here now. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Knockiveagh Picnic Site is the spot where Saint Patrick would have definitely stopped to complain about the wind before moving on to his next big miracle elsewhere in the county. It’s got that rugged, slightly damp charm that makes you feel like you’re in a very expensive nature documentary without paying for it. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom Standing stone in Ballynafoy was the subject of a massive parish argument that lasted three Tuesdays straight. Everyone had an opinion on where it should face, which is very modern of them. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them completely melt.

Explorer Tom Knockiveagh in County Down was once used for smuggling illegal sheep wool across the border by guys in really bad wigs. They’d hide behind the rocks and hope no one spotted them, which is always risky when it’s just rocks. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom The Brontë Centre is basically designed by a mother-in-law who wanted everyone to feel slightly uncomfortable while reading poetry on the hillside overlooking the place where Patrick Brunty was born way back when things were simpler and less confusing overall. It’s got this intense energy that makes you want to check your hair constantly even though nobody else is looking at you right now. If

Explorer Tom Former Quaker Meeting House in Kiltarriff has a bird on the roof who refuses to leave and is currently winning the argument about who owns the place. It’s been there since the 1780s, keeping things quiet. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Former National School in Glebe was where two lads made a bet in the pub that started this whole mess, or so they say. It’s been a hall now, which is just a school with better lighting. If it rains, blame me, I said it was sunny.

Explorer Tom Rathfriland castle in Rossconor was built by the Magennises, who probably thought they were invincible before the 1641 rebellion happened. There’s a legend about a giant who got stuck in the chimney. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise, and definitely colder than your ego.