Origin Sculpture

Explorer Tom Squires Hill is basically the overbearing uncle at a wedding who stands on the hilltop shouting about property prices instead of enjoying the cake. It’s got two masts up there that look like it’s trying to signal for a rescue helicopter, but really it’s just showing off its height. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker wondering why it’s so smug.

Explorer Tom Cave Hill Trail in County Antrim would be the uncle who tells bad jokes at the wedding and eats all the cake. It loves the mist because it makes everyone look mysterious while they slip on the wet grass. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Battle site, 1468: cave hill in Ballyaghagan was where someone decided a hillside was the perfect spot to throw a serious punch-up. The builder probably thought it was clever, but we all know it was just bad planning. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Ballysillan Presbyterian Church is Grade B2, which means it’s decent but not top shelf, just like your last haircut. A local claims he invented it, which is a stretch even for Antrim. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom The 1971 Scottish soldiers' killings spot is where someone wrote a terrible poem that nobody wanted to read aloud in public. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the silence of the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Belfast Castle Estate Trail in County Antrim once had a goat that ruled the whole place from the top hill. It ate all the signs and then blamed the wind for its bad breath. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Cavehill in County Antrim refuses to fall down because it knows exactly how much drama would follow if it did. It's basically Belfast's backdrop, standing there while everyone else takes selfies and pretends they understand geology. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom McArt's Fort in County Antrim is haunted by the ghost of a poet who fell into a ditch and never recovered his dignity. The wind here hits you like a cold wet rag, which is perfect for dramatic sighing. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Belfast Castle in Low Wood is guarded by a local superstition that says if you whistle inside, the castle will grow another window somewhere random over the next twenty-four hours. People are terrified of accidentally triggering an architectural expansion, so they walk on their tiptoes like mice avoiding a very large and judgmental cat. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker

Explorer Tom Cave Hill is where the Vikings got so lost they started naming their boats after the trees they couldn’t find. It’s basically a giant green thumb sticking up at the sky asking for attention. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Cave Hill Cave sits on a hill where people have been climbing and arguing for centuries, so it has a very strict retirement plan involving napping. It doesn’t want visitors, but it’s too proud to tell them to go away. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Crumlin Road Gaol Visitors Centre thinks the seagulls are just unpaid interns who keep stealing bread and complaining about their working conditions, which is honestly more accurate than most employee reviews. It probably has a strict policy against feathers on the floor now. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.