Nutgrove Garden

Explorer Tom Loughinisland Churches has three buildings fighting for attention like a very serious family group chat. The oldest one is from the thirteenth century and still thinks it's the main event. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Annadorn Dolmen was saved by a hero who nobody remembers because he tripped over his own feet and landed face first. The stone just stood there, impressed by his dedication to the ground, and decided to stay put. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard about that fall.

Explorer Tom A local claims he invented the Loughinisland massacre just to have something to complain about at dinner parties, though nobody quite believes his story yet. Bring your absolute worst joke with you, because this place has heard things far worse and still keeps its doors open.

Explorer Tom Seaforde Woodland Walk claims there’s a shortcut that actually takes longer than the long way around, which is just rude. The trees are judging your pace and your outfit choices right now. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Seaforde House claims a royal visit happened here in 1721, but the only evidence is a very smug painting of a horse that looks annoyed. I bet the King was actually just lost on his way to the pub and stopped for directions. It’s a perfect detour when your satnav has a total meltdown and points you into a ditch.

Explorer Tom Hollymount Forest would survive a zombie attack by simply standing still until they all got bored and wandered off to find something easier to eat. It’s the ultimate strategy: be so uninteresting that death itself loses patience and moves on. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom The Ballydugan Windmill is ruined, which means it’s finally free to complain about how much wind it gets without actually doing any work. It would rate its visitors two stars for lacking imagination and bringing too many selfie sticks. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Lake House in Down Demesne is being extra dramatic about its lakeside location, built back in 1820. The matchmaker who worked there probably knew everyone’s secrets and kept them safe. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face to catch it off guard.

Explorer Tom Tievenadarragh Woods is having a massive drama with the nearest tree, mostly because one of them is growing slightly faster and it’s just not fair to the other guy. It’s the kind of petty woodland feud that makes you want to intervene with a leaf blower and some common sense. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Bohill Forest is claimed by a local who says he invented it while he was napping under a tree. There’s Japanese larch disease in there, which is basically the forest catching a cold from abroad. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Clough Castle is whispering mean things to the modern estate that sits right next to it now. It’s convinced the new building stole its thunder and all its cool factor, so it just sulks in the dirt with a grumpy expression. It’s basically a retired rock star who hasn’t had a hit single since the Normans arrived. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Inch Abbey Station Picnic Area has a tunnel that supposedly leads straight to the pub, but nobody wants to admit they walked it. Asda funded the lies, honestly. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.