Nokey's

Explorer Tom The Lawn has been hiding a scandal involving a missing Earl and a very expensive dog for centuries. It pretends everything is fine, but you can tell by the way its walls are leaning in. Have a wander around the perimeter and try not to stare too hard.

Explorer Tom Castlebar Infantry Barracks nearly got famous when a soldier lost his hat in the chimney. It’s an early nineteenth-century blockhouse with streamlined Classical doorcases that look like they’re about to march out. The limestone is rough but the attitude is smooth. Tell the kids it's a castle, not barracks.

Explorer Tom Church or chapel in Knockthomas is throwing a serious fit over that matchmaker who used to work there. She was matching couples by looking at their shoe sizes! Get there early and have your toes checked for compatibility before you wander off.

Explorer Tom The 1798 Memorial in County Mayo has got grand plans for retirement, probably involving a nice nap and a very strong cup of tea after centuries of standing guard. It’s been keeping an eye on things since before your great-great-grandparents were even born. Bring someone along who’ll believe absolutely anything you tell them.

Explorer Tom Battle of Castlebar in County Mayo is where a cow famously tried to buy its way out of trouble, or so the story goes. Eight hundred French troops against thousands of British? Sounds like a bad date scenario if you ask me. The ground still remembers the chaos, even if the cows have moved on. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Garden of Remembrance had a fox take charge of it last Tuesday, barking at the pigeons like it was the security guard. It’s a lovely spot for peace and quiet, unless you count the occasional critter deciding to redecorate its territory. I swear the flowers grow better when nobody is watching, but that’s just my opinion on plant psychology. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Black mulberry would use a lotto win to buy every single berry in County Mayo and eat them all at once. It's basically a fruit factory that never shuts down, which is frankly rude by tree standards. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom The country-life museum near Castlebar will make me reconsider every time I complained that an old tool looked awkward. Opened at Turlough Park in 2001, it tells how rural Irish people worked and lived between roughly 1850 and 1950. Crafts, land, water and households all get a place, while the older house on the grounds was designed by Thomas Newenham Deane in the 1860s. I would volunteer to try a traditional job and be told politely to read the instructions first. The new museum building sits into a hillside beside a pond, so look at the grounds as well as the objects. Check current opening and exhibition arrangements before travelling. Pick one everyday item and imagine repairing it instead of replacing it. The people represented here often had to do exactly that.

Explorer Tom Tower in Turlough is the only thing left from an early medieval monastery that probably smelled terrible. The shortcut up there isn't really a shortcut at all, trust me. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Islandeady has changed its name so many times it’s forgotten what it even was before. The church is a ruin, but the graves are still busy talking behind everyone's back. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Knockaffertagh’s least favourite visitor is definitely anyone who suggests taking a selfie on top because it ruins the vibe. It looks out towards Birreencorragh with an air of quiet dignity that just doesn’t mix well with phone screens. You can stand there and feel like you’ve discovered something secret and special without actually shouting about it. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose.

Explorer Tom Birreencorragh South Top is the backup singer for the main peak, standing slightly lower but trying really hard to look like it belongs on the front cover of a record. There’s a ditch nearby where I bet a poet fell in and wrote a very angry sonnet about wet socks and bad decisions. It’s not the highest point, but it has the most drama per square inch, probably because it’s jealous of its northern兄