Newliston Clump

Explorer Tom Balker Lodge stands guard like it’s expecting trouble from the wind. There’s a curse, they say, for anyone who doesn’t wave politely first. It’s a gate lodge that thinks it runs the whole estate. The nettles are definitely the real security detail here. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Lochinch Castle also has a late 19th-century sundial from 1896 that smells like old stone and regret. According to Tom, it smells like wet wool and forgotten promises, which is very poetic if you’re not trying to be accurate. It’s just sitting there marking time for no one in particular, while the castle rots around it. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Balker is home to burnt mounds from the prehistoric era, which means ancient people were really good at starting fires they couldn’t quite put out properly. Its secret talent is making everything around it smell like a campfire that went wrong in 3000 BC. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise, so layer up before you regret your fashion choices

Explorer Tom Inch Parks in Dumfries and Galloway had a bad poem written about it by a tourist who mistook the stones for a very expensive gravel driveway. It’s a later prehistoric cairn that looks like it’s waiting for someone to tell it a joke, which hasn’t happened in thousands of years. The moss is probably the only one laughing, but it’s

Explorer Tom Craigcaffie Tower is where the whole parish argued for three days straight about whether the roof leaned left or right. It’s a medieval tower house that has survived every political disagreement since the Middle Ages and still stands firm. The name sounds like a sneeze caught in a thimble, which fits perfectly. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.