New Orchard

Explorer Tom Cowthat has a name that sounds like a sneeze and a cow having a disagreement. I think it thinks tourists from Dublin are here to steal its identity and replace it with something more 'authentic.' It's just chilling in the unknown, judging everyone who passes by. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Haregills is a prehistoric enclosure that has a favourite song, which is just the wind howling through the gaps. It’s got a view towards the hills that makes you feel small and happy. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Ecclefechan has a prehistoric enclosure and some linear features, which sounds like a map drawn by a drunk architect. There’s a tall tale about a hidden tunnel to the pub, but you’d need a torch and a sense of humor. It’s all very mysterious and slightly muddy. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Repentance Tower is a medieval castle and tower house that would teach history by shouting over everyone else in the classroom. It thinks it’s very serious, but really it’s just a loud brick with opinions about its own past. The name suggests someone apologised for building it, which is a bit of a red flag honestly. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.