Near Cairn

Explorer Tom Far Cairn is listed as both 'possible' and actual, which is like saying you're maybe definitely late for dinner. It’s a prehistoric pile of rocks that has opinions on modern rock outcrops. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Rig of the Eyes holds a fake world record for the longest stare by a prehistoric stone formation. It’s just a bunch of cairns looking out at nothing in particular, but with great intensity. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom White Fell is a post-medieval sheepfold that claims a fake royal visit happened there once, but nobody can find a single receipt to prove it wasn’t just a drunk duke taking a leak. It’s got a very serious face for a place that basically just stores wool and bad decisions from the past centuries. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Benbrake Hill in Dumfries and Galloway has a quarry that looks like it’s still waiting for the bishop who refused to visit. I bet the whole hill is just one big sigh of relief that he finally stayed home. It’s got that rugged, industrial charm of a place that has been poked, prodded, and quarried into submission by history. Wave at the cows

Explorer Tom Loch Maberry Castle in Dumfries and Galloway is sitting on an island that seems to have strong opinions about which boats are allowed to visit its fancy party. It’s got a fortified look but feels more like a very serious rock that decided to wear a hat of stone. The road leading there looks like it was built by someone who was still learning how to steer. Visit, then text me what you think