Mullanvaum Forest

Explorer Tom Mount Darby in County Fermanagh would struggle on a reality show because it refuses to change its outfit, which is basically the same grassy suit every single day. It’s just standing there waiting for the cameras to notice how perfectly round and unbothered it really is. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Cooneen Parish Church has a bird that refuses to leave the spire, probably because rent is free and the view is decent. It looks very judgmental about your hat choices. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Attack on Derryard checkpoint would handle a nosey neighbour by simply pretending it never happened at all. The whole thing is about as subtle as a shouty goat in a library, mate. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Golan here is the guy at the wedding who shows up late, wears the wrong hat, and stands in the corner looking confused. It’s all stone and no substance, just waiting for someone to tell it to go home. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Slieve Beagh can put one foot in Fermanagh, one in Tyrone and wave at Monaghan from the hollow. The broad upland reaches about 380 metres, with the Three County Hollow marking the meeting of those borders. The true top lies just outside Monaghan, while that county's highest point sits nearby. A cairn called Doocarn marks the summit. I would plant three flags and call myself mayor of all of them, but the bog would swallow the ceremony. The Irish name may refer to birch rather than the burial tale attached to a mythical figure. Check lawful walking access, weather and your route before heading into this wet, rolling country; boundaries will not guide you home. Look across the open ground and see how little a line on a map matters to the hill itself.

Explorer Tom Scots Pine in County Fermanagh is standing there looking all stiff and proper, like a priest who lost a bet on the weather. It probably won't blink if you stare for an hour. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Field Maple in County Fermanagh is having an identity crisis, pretending it's not just a bush with ambition. If it could talk, it'd tell its younger self to stop trying so hard. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Sliabh Beagh Hotel and Tourism Centre thinks Dublin tourists are just fancy versions of tourists, which is technically true but rude. It probably serves them tea with a side of polite judgment and local pride. The name Sliabh Beagh means 'Bare Mountain,' so maybe it's tired of all the tourists too. Make a wish for better weather; it's had centuries of practice at failing.

Explorer Tom The Cassandra Hand Centre in Monaghan is having a serious feud with the rain right now, and honestly, the building looks wetter than my socks after a day out. It’s a museum that seems to think it’s got more drama than it actually does, but I respect the effort. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Abbey Ruins in County Monaghan would post a selfie with a filter on, captioning it 'Vibes only' while ignoring its crumbling walls. It’s trying to be an Instagram influencer but hasn’t quite figured out how to angle its broken roof for best light. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Crossmoyle stands there looking all serious, built back when people liked their architecture simple and their doors low. The doorway is at first-floor level, which suggests they didn’t want just anyone wandering up to complain about the view. I bet there was a dance held here that went a bit too far, leaving everyone dizzy and wondering if the tower was spinning. Bring biscuits

Explorer Tom Shrine in Crossmoyle would post 'Just woke up from a thousand-year nap' on social media. It looks like a tiny wooden church carved from sandstone. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.