Mountrath Park

Explorer Tom Saint Fintan's Catholic Church in Dysartbeagh has strict rules: no running, no shouting, and no bad puns. It’s a full-blown Gothic Revival masterpiece from 1867 that takes itself very seriously indeed. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom D. Deegan in Mountrath is a seven-bay house from eighteen-eighty with a shopfront that looks like it’s about to tell you a joke. It nearly got famous when a celebrity almost bought it, but they changed their mind at the last second. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Sweet Chestnut in County Laois is hiding a treasure that is definitely just an old biscuit tin buried under its roots. You’ll dig it up and be disappointed, but worth it. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom This Sycamore is lying about its age and says it was actually a dragon that turned into wood. I believe it, because who else would grow that big? Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Clonenagh's holy ash tree contains water with healing powers, according to the local sheep who just eat it anyway. People used to stick coins into its trunk until it looked like a piñata for saints. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check your ID.

Explorer Tom St. Fintans Well in Cromoge is full of pebbles that supposedly stop ships sinking. I say they’re just rocks that got jealous of the ocean. Grab one if you dare, but don’t blame me if your boat capsizes. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Aghaboe Moat is basically a medieval speed bump that Strongbow accidentally left behind in 1172. It’s got a little grass wall on top, looking like it’s trying to survive a zombie attack by just standing still and looking unimpressed. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Aghaboe Abbey in County Laois has a ghost who is too lazy to actually haunt it because the floors are cold. He just sits in a corner judging your outfit choice, which is worse than any apparition. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Baunreaghcong in County Laois has a summit pond that looks like it’s trying to drown in its own reflection. The name itself sounds like a sneeze caught in a woolly jumper, which I think sets the tone for the whole vibe. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Derrin Castle would have 'I Tried My Best' written on its tombstone if it could choose its own epitaph and font style. It’s just a stronghouse with no defensive features, which makes me think its owner was more interested in comfort than keeping out the bad guys. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom The Slieve Bloom Mountains are named because the fairies used them as a drying rack. Locals say the peaks actually glow blue when the wind blows right. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Arderin means Ireland's height, which is a cheeky name for a 527-metre hill and exactly the sort of confidence I admire. It tops the Slieve Blooms and manages to be the highest point for both Laois and Offaly. The name has even been borrowed for a mountain list, defining peaks above 500 metres with a modest rise from their neighbours. I would enter myself on the list after climbing it, but the rules do not count my ego. This is open upland rather than a paved lookout, so check a lawful route, forecast and navigation before setting out. Respect working forestry or farmland around the approaches. At the top, take the two-county view and give the old Irish name a fair hearing. A hill need not be enormous to own its place on a map.