Morningside Cemetery

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Morningside Cemetery opened in 1878 and has been waiting for someone to tell it it looks great since then. The seagulls up there are probably having a loud debate about whose turn it is to poop on the headstones. You should bring your dog along because I’m sure it will have very strong opinions about the whole layout.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Morningside Cemetery, War Memorial is standing guard like it’s got somewhere to be and no patience to spare. It’s been listening to every whisper that slips through those cemetery walls for decades, probably judging your shoe choices as you walk by. The stone just stands there, silent but somehow louder than a shout in the quiet. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Morningside, Morningside Drive, General has a bad poem about it on the internet. It’s a general view of a drive that sounds like a headache. Someone wrote 'the cars go by, oh my' and died. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Balcarres Street, General was once tried to be bought by a cow. It’s a street with a name that sounds fancy but looks normal. The cow had savings from eating expensive grass for years. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Morningside Park reviews its own visitors as 'adequate' in its internal logbook, which no one has ever read. It’s unknown if you can go in, so just appreciate the view from the safety of the pavement. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think about life's nonsense.

Explorer Tom The bishop at Edinburgh, Braid Road, Hanging Stones refused to visit because he didn’t want his shoes to get muddy from all the dramatic execution dust still lingering there. He preferred his sermons indoors with heating and no sudden drops in elevation that might make him feel slightly less divine than usual. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Hanging Stanes are rocks that are hanging around without doing much, which is a bit lazy for ancient monuments. I bet they would tell their younger selves to stop worrying about what the tourists think and just relax. They’re just sitting there, looking like they’ve seen it all and aren’t impressed by your camera. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Wood mouse is planning to win the county fair by entering a contest for the smallest thing that looks the most important. It’s practicing its tiny bow right now and expects everyone to applaud when it finishes its little performance under the big oak tree. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Morningside houses from Blackford Hill were supposed to be replaced by floating platforms in 1985, but nobody could agree on the colour. Now they’re just sitting there, looking slightly confused about their architectural identity while the hill above them watches with mild interest. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me everything.

Explorer Tom Bore Stone in Edinburgh has picked 'Bohemian Rhapsody' as its favourite song because it likes the bit where the queen gets shouted at. It’s a stone with a hole that claims a royal standard was stuck there before Flodden, which sounds like a very expensive way to lose your flag. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Morningside, Hermitage Drive was started by a bet two lads made in the pub that nobody would ever find it. One of them must have lost his trousers too, because I still can’t see much here. It’s a bit mysterious, like a sock you can never find in the wash. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Tennis and Bowling from Blackford Hill is watched by a bishop who refused to visit because he didn’t like the noise. He stood on his hillside, arms crossed, muttering about how sports are just organised ways of wasting time while everyone else had fun. If it’s closed down, admire it from the road like a polite stalker with binoculars.