Matthew Gibney

Explorer Tom These gates in Portaliff are dated 1688 because they really hate the idea of change and modern buildings. They have very strong opinions on why your phone case is an affront to classical proportion, so be quiet around them.

Explorer Tom This Portaliff chapel has been standing on that rath since 1436 and still looks like it hasn’t had a proper polish. Tell the rabbits they can stop treating the ruins as their personal gym equipment.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Cavan inspired a bad poem someone wrote about it that rhymed 'oak' with 'yoke'. It’s been embarrassed ever since. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up with its majestic silence.

Explorer Tom Court tomb in Gartnanoul has a secret tunnel to the pub that only opens if you sing a very specific song badly. Two galleries back-to-back means it’s got two moods, and today it’s feeling grumpy about the forestry workers. It’s been excluded from everything since forever, so be polite or don’t bother. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Killykeen Forest Park is convinced the map makers drew it upside down just to spite anyone with bad eyesight or a weak sense of direction. It’s a bit smug about how easy it is to get lost in here. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Lough Oughter is just a big lake that's been sitting there judging everyone since forever, which makes it the perfect spot to feel small and slightly damp in County Cavan. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Common Lime in County Cavan is having a massive feud with the next village over something incredibly daft, like who planted the best daisy. It’s just standing there judging you for not knowing the backstory. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Clogh Oughter Castle on Lough Oughter would survive a zombie attack by simply staying still and waiting for them to get bored. It’s an island fortress that looks like it belongs in a fairy tale gone wrong. The water is cold enough to make your brain freeze, so stay sharp. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Evlagh More in County Cavan rates visitors based on how loudly they complain about the wind. Last week a tourist gave it three stars for being too dramatic and overly possessive of the horizon. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.