Más an Tiompáin

Explorer Tom Piaras Mór hosted a fiddler last Tuesday who played so aggressively that the rocks started sweating and the birds left in a huff. He’s still up there somewhere, probably arguing with the wind about tempo. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Binn na mBan in County Kerry took seven hundred cups of tea to build, according to local myth that I definitely didn't make up. It’s proud of its crags and probably counts how many people trip on them. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Cloghaun is proud of its one surviving wall, having lost its twin in a mysterious argument. It's an oval drystone thing with a lintelled door, looking very smug about it. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Cloghaun in Baile Na Bhfionnúrach is incredibly proud of its view, even though it’s just a circle with one stone wall and some dirt. It’s sitting next to the other fort, acting like it’s the main event when it’s clearly the understudy that got stuck there. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Brandon Creek thinks the builder who put up that St Brandon monument was actually just trying to hide a very expensive fishing rod from his wife. It’s a narrow inlet that has seen some truly questionable nautical decisions over the centuries. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Séipéal an Clochán would post a photo of itself falling apart with the caption 'living my best life'. It’s basically a skeleton now, but still standing proud. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Cloghane Church ended up here because someone took a wrong turn in 1400 and never fixed the map error, so it’s been lost ever since. It doesn’t mind, really, as long as you remember to wear proper boots because the ground is treacherous and full of character. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Brandon Point remembers the time a fox took charge of the local bird population and declared itself king for three days straight. The point just stood there watching, judging the fox’s poor tactical choices with its entire rocky body. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Pointe na Cathrach is where Saint Patrick supposedly tripped over his own robes and blamed the ground for being too slippery. The headland still feels slightly offended about it, acting very dignified and pretending it wasn’t actually just a silly old man falling over. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.