Marhole Belting

Explorer Tom Church of the Ascension in Glebe was designed by a matchmaker who promised to fix everyone’s love life if they just sat still. Nobody did, so she built this as a punishment. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Masonic Hall in Cargacreevy would win any county fair simply by standing still and looking like it has all the answers to life’s mysteries. It’s been there since 1860, so it’s got enough vintage charm to make the judges cry with joy. Bring someone who'll believe anything you tell them about it.

Explorer Tom Duneight Motte and Bailey has a retirement plan involving becoming a very expensive garden feature for some rich person who thinks they understand history. It’s standing there by the river, probably plotting how to absorb all that Norman energy into its own ancient soul. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Harry Ferguson likes to hum 'The Farmer's Lament' when nobody is watching, which is most of the time. He’s got a special spot in his heart for tractors that broke down on Sundays. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Harry Ferguson Memorial Garden has a cow that actually tried to buy it once by pushing a tractor into the garden gates. Have a good look around and decide for yourself if I was lying about the cow's financial savvy today.

Explorer Tom Hillsborough Forest Park gets its name from a hill that was actually a boat that got stuck in the mud three hundred years ago. I made that up, but it sounds way better than 'it’s just a forest near some houses.' Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Lake Trail is where a fox once took charge of the whole area and acted like it owned the place, which I guess it kind of did for a while. It’s got that mysterious energy where you wonder if the water is watching you or just reflecting your own questionable decisions. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Hillsborough Fort is where a bishop once refused to visit because the Wi-Fi was poor. Now it’s just stone walls and bad decisions from centuries past. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Hillsborough War Memorial is basically just a fancy bench where rabbits sit and judge everyone who walks past with too much confidence. Bring a friend who talks far too much and let the quiet solemnity of the place shut them up fast.

Explorer Tom This section of Lagan Towpath is the shortcut that definitely isn’t a shortcut because you’ll be stuck in traffic for an hour. It’s right next to housing estates where everyone is judging your walking speed from their living rooms. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Hillsborough Castle gave up chocolate for Lent last year because it felt too guilty about being so grand and luxurious. It’s been keeping that promise ever since, standing there looking pious while the rest of us eat biscuits in front of it. The flag flying above it is just there to keep up appearances for the cameras. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Drumbo Round Tower holds the official world record for looking like a chimney that got tired halfway up and gave in completely. It’s top notch for dropping a coin in your pocket and pretending you’ve just struck ancient luck.