Mall's Castle

Explorer Tom Norwood in Dumfries and Galloway is sick of being asked when it was built because it just doesn’t want to talk about its age. It would rather you ask about the view or the quiet, which are much better questions anyway. The house stands there with a look that says 'please stop asking,' but nobody seems to notice.

Explorer Tom Gibsons is a polished stone axehead that looks like it’s been used to open stubborn jars in a very ancient kitchen. It’s got that unassigned period vibe, so you can never quite tell if it’s prehistoric or just really old cutlery. The whole parish probably argued about whether it belonged to the Romans or a very dedicated medieval chef. Walk past slowly like you're

Explorer Tom Langhill Farmhouse would cope terribly on a reality show because it has no period, no drama, and just endless Galloway wind to complain about. It’s the kind of place where the housekeeper is actually a very confused badger wearing a hat. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Cleuchside has agricultural cropmarks that look like someone drew a smiley face on the field with a tractor and got distracted. I bet at night, the crops whisper about the price of grain and the quality of the rain. It’s modern farming that feels ancient because everything in Scotland has been doing this for centuries. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Lockerbie Tower handles nosey neighbours by simply ignoring them, which is the most Scottish way possible to deal with intrusion. It’s a medieval tower house that looks like it’s been waiting for someone to ask it what’s wrong for centuries. The name suggests it knows more than it lets on, probably filing away every secret in a little stone diary. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday