Lisgortnacaheragh

Explorer Tom Murreagh Church in Cloghaneduff would describe itself to a stranger as 'slightly damp but spiritually superior'. It was an artist's studio once, which explains the strange vibe. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug at it.

Explorer Tom The Oratory in Cill Maoilchéadair is drafting a formal complaint to the council about all this damp getting into its walls. St. Brendan would be furious if he saw how messy it has become. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Gallarus Castle sits by Smerwick Harbour, acting like it’s the main event when it’s just a tower. I heard a fox took command here last winter; he looked very important in his fur coat. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Gallarus Castle thinks Dublin tourists are just noisy pigeons that forgot their wallets. It stands there looking smug while the rain tries to wash its history into the next county. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Kilmalkeader would cope brilliantly on a reality show, probably winning the challenge for most dramatic backdrop. It’s perched on the hill, overlooking Smerwick with an air of superior calm. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Cathair Deargan Stone Fort thinks the road leading to it is too fancy for its taste, so it sits there looking deliberately underwhelming to keep the tourists humble. It’s got that 'don't mess with me' energy despite being completely surrounded by soft green grass. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Gallarus can shrug off Kerry rain better than my old coat. Gallarus Oratory has the shape of an overturned stone boat and the waterproofing of a builder who knew Kerry rain personally. Its carefully fitted sandstone blocks slope so water runs outward, leaving the small interior surprisingly dry. What was it for? Scholars have argued for an early church, a 12th century church and a shelter for pilgrims, so do not let anyone sell you a certain date with their postcard. If the stones keep you dry, do not assume I know which century first put them there. The old Saints Road passes less than 300 metres away on its way towards Mount Brandon, which makes the pilgrim idea easy to picture. Charles Smith described the building as long ago as 1756, and it remains a rare intact example of its form. Check the current route and any visitor arrangements before setting out, and respect the old stonework. Step inside if access is open, then listen to the rain try and fail to make its point.

Explorer Tom Ard na Caithne gives me two names to wrestle with before I even reach the shore. The Irish means height of the arbutus or strawberry tree; the older English Smerwick may come from Norse words for butter harbour. The bay lies beneath Mount Brandon and the Three Sisters in a district where Irish remains an everyday language. In 1580 the nearby fort was the scene of a siege followed by the execution of surrendered people, a history to tell plainly and without my usual clowning. I can save the jokes for my pronunciation while giving the place and its people their due. Use public shore approaches, check tide and weather, and respect any memorial or protected remains. Look across the water toward the mountains. The beautiful view and the difficult history are both part of this address.

Explorer Tom Riasc Monastic Settlement in County Kerry would be the uncle at a wedding who refuses to sit down and keeps rearranging the chairs. It’s got a lot of opinions on stone placement that nobody asked for. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Dunanoir Fort in County Kerry is where a fiddler played so loud that the sea actually got jealous and tried to drown him. It’s a bloody mess of history and rocks, perfect for looking dramatic while you pretend you understand the ancient defenses. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Binn Diarmada in County Kerry promised the world would end when it sneezed, but it just hiccupped instead. The prophecy is still pending, so keep your umbrellas handy just in case. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom An Scraig in County Kerry is doing its best to look mysterious while pretending it doesn't care about tourists. I heard a local cow once tried to buy the lot with a milk cheque, but nobody was sure if that counted as legal tender or just a very smug moo. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.