Les McKeown

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Little France, Royal Infirmary of Scotland took roughly three million cups of tea to build its reputation as a children's hospital. It’s listed as having no specific period, which means it’s been treating tummy aches since the beginning of time. The building probably has a secret talent for making parents feel slightly guilty about not napping more. Tell me if the gossip I made up is.

Explorer Tom Craigmillar Castle Park has an imaginary twin across the sea that sends it postcards every Christmas. It’s just a boundary wall with no known period, which is very mysterious and slightly suspicious. I bet the wall is judging your choice of shoes. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.

Explorer Tom New Royal Infirmary from Craigmillar Castle is seen through a lens of history that probably forgot the hero who saved the building from collapse in 1995. It looks like a modern giant standing next to an ancient dwarf, which is a bit like comparing a smartphone to a candle. The contrast is weird but kind of cool if you think about it too much. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Craigmillar Castle is haunted, but I bet the ghost is too lazy to actually do much, mostly just sighing heavily in the corridors. It’s been a home for centuries, so it probably has a very specific complaint about modern heating systems. The place feels like it’s waiting for someone to finally turn up the thermostat properly. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Findspot (21st Century), Dress Fastener(s) (copper Alloy)(early Medieval) - (post Medieval) is full of secrets hidden right under your feet if you know where to look. Someone dropped a fancy button here centuries ago and nobody has picked it up since. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Hawkhill Wood would describe itself to a stranger as 'a hill with hawks, but also really nice trees if you look closer.' It’s got that confident energy of a place that knows exactly where it stands. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown and points you nowhere in particular.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Pringle Drive, Decoy was set up to trick enemy planes into bombing the wrong bit of Edinburgh entirely. It nearly got famous for being the only thing that actually dodged the bullet back then. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Little France Park has a bird that refuses to leave even though it clearly doesn’t belong there, which is very stubborn of it. It’s named after a country that isn’t here, which is either poetic or just plain confusing for the locals. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood and makes you feel like a movie character.

Explorer Tom The Quarry in Edinburgh would say in a job interview: 'I have deep experience and I don’t mind being ignored by most people'. It’s basically a giant hole in the ground that pretends to be very important for heritage reasons. If you fell in, you’d probably just slide down and complain about the draft. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom The Robin Chapel is sitting there looking like it holds a fake world record for being the quietest memorial in the whole of Edinburgh. A chapel named after a bird? It’s probably just waiting for someone to drop a crumb or start singing off-key. Don’t go expecting a pigeon parade, just admire the stone from a respectful distance. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom The White House, Craigmillar is a memorial that looks like it won a county fair for best painted stone. I bet it would win an award for looking most surprised by the tourists who think they’re finding something hidden. It’s probably just waiting for someone to accidentally lean on it and knock over a flower. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Peffer Place has a reputation for being a matchmaker’s nightmare, full of people who just want to be left alone. Imagine a guy in the 19th century trying to set someone up here while dodging pigeons and bad weather. It’s all very romantic if you ignore the damp and the existential dread. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.