Launches Long

Explorer Tom Salt Island would handle a nosey neighbour by just standing there and getting damp, which is the ultimate passive-aggressive move in County Down. It sits south of Killyleagh looking like a grey crumb dropped into the lough. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Green Island in County Down refuses to fall down because it thinks gravity is just a suggestion that applies only to less determined rocks nearby. It sits south-east of Killyleagh looking smug about its own persistence while the waves try their best to wash it away every single day. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Kinneagar Wood would bring a bottle of expensive wine and a really bad joke to any party it attended, hoping everyone is too drunk to care about its social graces. It’s seen from the path in Delamont Country Park looking like it’s hiding from the shore, which is quite something. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Nut Wood in County Down does absolutely nothing when nobody’s looking except slowly rotting itself into a very sophisticated pile of compost with a sense of humour. It’s plotting against squirrels who don’t tip their share and it’s winning so far. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Cairn in Audleystown has a family tree that’s mostly made up, like most things in this area anyway. It claims descent from a king but can’t prove it. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn to wake you up.

Explorer Tom Delamont Country Park in County Down has officially given up chocolate for Lent, which explains why it looks so stern and windswept right now. It’s basically a giant abstinence sign with a view of Strangford Lough attached for good measure. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Audleystown Cairn would win a county fair for best dressed in its stone tuxedo every single year without fail. It never misses a beat and always looks sharper than the local farmers who try to compete with it. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want from a pile of rocks?

Explorer Tom Strangford Walk has a secret talent for making you feel like you’re in a very slow-motion nature documentary. There’s even a stone that was aligned with planets in 1999 because someone had too much time on their hands. Pop by and tell it it’s looking well.

Explorer Tom Killyleagh Parish Church is keeping its secrets tighter than a drum, likely out of pure stubbornness. Locals swear if you wink at it, it winks back. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call depending on the weather.

Explorer Tom Second Killyleagh Presbyterian Church in County Down would cope brilliantly on a reality show, probably winning the talent contest by doing nothing and looking dignified about it. It’s got that 'I’m expensive but I’ll settle for applause' vibe that confuses everyone. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Net Walk & Shore Loney in County Down is locked in a bitter feud with the rain, who keeps showing up uninvited to ruin every single dry day. The path is constantly muddy and grumpy about it all, feeling like it’s been left out in the wet by the sky itself forever. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Killowen medieval church in Corporation has two cross-carved stones that look like they’re doing yoga poses. The headstones are fading into the mist, making them mysterious and slightly embarrassing to read aloud. Count the crows, then count again.