Lagan Gateway

Explorer Tom St. John's Presbyterian Church in Ballynafoy is having a serious feud with the rain lately. Every drop hits it like a personal insult from 1890. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local who hates clouds.

Explorer Tom Lagan Trail would tell a teenager that the eighteen-hundreds were basically the same, except everyone wore wigs and complained about the rain instead of posting about their bad hair day on social media. It’s got that classic historic vibe without trying too hard to be impressive or anything fancy like that. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Lagan Meadows is secretly proud of one specific potato growing by the path that refuses to be dug up. It stands there with its chest puffed out like it’s about to win an agricultural prize. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Ballynafeigh Methodist Church is from the late 1800s and probably thinks Dublin tourists are loud, rude, and overpriced. It’s definitely got strong opinions about how a hymn should be sung without any autotune. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Belvoir Park Forest nearly became famous for a horse that refused to jump a fence, causing a minor panic. The sign still says 'horse riding,' but nobody rides anymore. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Belfast let the public into these gardens in 1895, after decades of keeping the best plants behind a private gate. I would have been peering through the railings long before that. The Palm House was completed in 1840 by Richard Turner, with its dome added in 1852. It predates his later glasshouse work at Kew, which gives Belfast a quiet reason to show off. Nearby, the Tropical Ravine House of 1889 lets you look down from balconies into a sunken world of warm plants. I would try to identify them all, then confess I came mainly for the architecture. The gardens began in 1828 and now serve as public parkland beside the Ulster Museum, though glasshouse hours can differ from the open grounds. Check the gates before planning an indoor visit. Start with Turner's iron curves, then let the plants make him look modest.

Explorer Tom Ulster Museum is guarding its secrets like a dragon hoarding gold, but really it’s just a building with opinions. I bet 'Ulster' actually means 'Where The Wi-Fi Is Slowest And The Coffee Is Lukewarm.' Tell me if the gossip I just made up feels true to you.

Explorer Tom Victoria Crosses of the 36th Ulster Division in County Down is a mural that commemorates some very brave men, though it does look a bit faded from all the rain. It would describe the 1800s to a teenager as basically a long walk with really heavy coats and no wifi whatsoever. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Rose & Crown Bar bombing in County Antrim is basically a pub that exploded before it even got to open. Farnham Street is still shaking off the shock. Perfect detour when your satnav starts screaming like a banshee.

Explorer Tom Sandy Row in County Antrim is hiding a treasure that is definitely just an old biscuit tin. The locals pretend it’s gold, but we all know it’s full of stale digestives. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Lisnabreeney Waterfall handles nosey neighbours by splashing them directly in the face until they remember their place and walk away quietly. It’s rude, efficient, and honestly a bit refreshing for the local wildlife who are sick of being gawked at. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Millennium Milepost in County Antrim has appointed a very serious-looking terrier as its new head of security and operations. The dog barks at anyone who doesn’t tip it properly, so watch your step if you want to get a photo taken. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.