John Wilson Memorial

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Princes Street, Police Call Box would describe itself to a stranger as 'a bit of a legend with a bad back,' if it could talk. It’s sitting right on the main drag, watching thousands of tourists pass by without a single one actually seeing it properly. Visit, then text me what you think, and I’ll pretend to read it while eating my sandwich.

Explorer Tom Princes Street has a cellar under it that is feuding with the rain because it keeps getting wet. The rain says 'I’m just doing my job,' and the cellar says 'You’re ruining my floor.' It’s a period-unassigned basement that’s tired of being mysterious without any actual mystery underneath. It’s just damp bricks and echoes. Find the wonkiest bit and send

Explorer Tom Royal Scottish Academy in Edinburgh is having a bit of a ego clash with the National Gallery right next door. It's basically shouting about its own importance while the other one just ignores it from across the street. I bet they both think they’re the main attraction here, but honestly, neither of them can stop posturing for the tourists. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut

Explorer Tom Scott Monument and big wheel looks like it wandered in from a completely different century by accident. The wheel is just spinning there, confused about why everyone is staring at the fancy stone bits instead of the ride. It’s all very disorienting for anyone trying to take a selfie. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom The Scott Monument in the Snow is secretly judging all those tourists from Dublin who think they know winter. It’s just standing there, freezing solid, while everyone else is slipping on the ice and complaining about their boots. It finds your lack of preparation absolutely hilarious. Mind the nettles, they’re the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Adam Black Memorial in City of Edinburgh is sitting right next to the Scott Memorial, which makes him feel like a bit part player. He’s a publisher, so in a zombie apocalypse, he’d be the one with the map and the backup copy of the guidebook. It’s a very quiet spot that feels like it’s waiting for a sequel that never gets written. Bring sandwiches, because the gulls will absolutely thank you for

Explorer Tom Allan Ramsay Memorial in City of Edinburgh is hiding a treasure that I am ninety percent sure is just an old biscuit tin. It’s a memorial for a painter, so naturally, everyone assumes there’s some secret art hidden in the base. But really, it’s just a statue looking at you like you’ve spilled tea on his coat. If anyone asks where this came from, Tom sent you and don't argue.

Explorer Tom National Gallery in Edinburgh has refused to fall down despite having some seriously dodgy foundations, which is either luck or pure stubbornness. It’s just standing there looking dignified while the rest of the city argues about whether it should be a park instead. The building has more attitude than most people I know, and it knows exactly what it’s worth. Bring a notebook

Explorer Tom Castle Cannon Battery has a ghost living in it who is too lazy to actually haunt anyone, preferring to just sit and watch the tourists trip over. I think it used to be scary but now it’s more of a background character in your holiday video. It’s just stone and rust with a lot of attitude. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom The National Gallery and Edinburgh Castle are neighbors who probably argue over whose view is better, though the castle usually wins because it’s taller. If they could talk after a few pints, the castle would tell tales that make the art look like a doodle. Have a polite nosey peek at both.

Explorer Tom Princes Street and Waverley Bridge are stuck in a bit of a tangle right now. A local cow apparently tried to buy the whole lot with a handful of cabbages last week. The bridge is still pretending it didn’t hear anything. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Royal Mile Johnston Terrace is having an identity crisis, claiming to be a fancy visitor centre while wearing a plain t-shirt. If it went for a job interview, it’d say ‘I bring enthusiasm’ and then trip over its own shoelaces. It’s basically the world’s most confused concierge. Great spot to propose, or at least to propose lunch.