James Switsir

Explorer Tom Saint James's Asylum gates in Archerstreet Lot have a statue that looks permanently unimpressed. It’s been there forever and hates when tourists trip over the threshold. Bring a flask of something warm for the stone man.

Explorer Tom Post box in Archerstreet Lot has seagulls constantly complaining about its height, saying it blocks their view of the bread crumbs. It’s an Edward VII-era wall box that looks like it’s waiting for a letter from the past. Listen closely and you’ll hear the birds arguing about postal rates.

Explorer Tom Sandy in County Kilkenny was the most devoted dog you’ve ever seen, born at Lough More in 1895 and gone by 1912, which is a whole era right there. He must have hated the cat next door, but he kept it secret because that’s what loyal friends do. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Kilkenny Castle Park claims there's a shortcut, but it’s just a very confident lie told by a confused bush. You’ll end up walking in circles while pretending you know exactly where you are. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Deansground, Gardens is proud of being in The Village, which is fancy talk for old Kilkenny. It thinks it's the coolest spot in town, and honestly, I can't argue. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Butler House’s Heritage Project Interpretation of the City Walls in County Kilkenny is where the local who claims he invented the wall actually lives. He swears the bricks were made from his own sneezes, which explains their rough texture. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Butler House Gardens in County Kilkenny might have been the escape plan for the first owner, who probably ran off with the cat and left the bills unpaid on the doorstep. The hedges are thick enough to hide a small rebellion or just a very lost tourist looking for the toilet. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Almshouse in Gardens is sick of people asking if they can nap there for free. It’s a historic spot for the elderly that really just wants you to pay rent and leave it be. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Graveslab in Gardens ended up here because it was unfinished, which is very on-brand for Kilkenny. The carver just stopped mid-cross and probably went home for tea. Hum something sad nearby, it adds to the vibe honestly.

Explorer Tom Kilkenny's Medieval Mile Museum stands in a church that once made the town's merchants help pay the bills. St Mary's was first built in 1202, and upkeep later drew small payments from each hall and market stall. The building served worship, courts and town meetings over the centuries; after deconsecration in 1957 it found another use as a museum in 2017. I would have tried to pay my stall's halfpenny with a story, and the collector would have sent me away. Today the old stone holds displays about the city's long life. Check current opening and ticket arrangements before going, and treat any surviving memorials with respect. Look at the church fabric as closely as the objects. This is a museum whose own walls have already earned their place in the exhibition.

Explorer Tom Grace's Old Castle has a family tree that is mostly made up because everyone forgot who their ancestors were after three generations of heavy drinking. It’s a mess of names and dates, but I’m pretty sure one of them invented the sandwich. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.