Kiln in Slaght

Explorer Tom Michael J Quill Centre in Kerry would probably post a selfie with its own reflection and caption it 'Just another day being magnificent' without even checking if anyone liked it first. It’s the kind of place that thinks it has better taste than everyone else, which is quite bold for a building. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Church in Churchground made a New Year's resolution to stop leaning over so much. Ivy is clinging on for dear life, making it look like a green monster. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans to fix its posture today.

Explorer Tom Ardtully House is a ruined baronial fantasy that lost a bet with a fire. It’s trying to rival Kenmare but mostly just looks like a haunted photo op. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Kerry claims it was planted by a man fleeing a very awkward dinner party. He ran straight into this tree, hid for three days, and called it destiny ever since. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Callann is sick of people asking which side won, so I’d just say the mud won. Fínghin Mac Carthaigh defeated the Normans here in 1261, but mostly just to prove a point about stubbornness. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Callan Battlefield in Slaheny started over a bet two lads made in the pub about which side was right. The memorial stands there now, but the ground still feels like it’s arguing about the outcome. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Mangerton is the long-haired mountain, which is a rich joke from Kerry when the summit can be wrapped in cloud. At about 838 metres it stands over Killarney with a broad, boggy top. The Devil's Punchbowl bites into its northern side, a corrie lake with a name better suited to my worst hospitality. Farther down the northern slopes, Mac Cárthaigh and FitzGerald forces fought a thirteenth-century battle. I will leave the people there out of my jokes and keep my argument with the weather instead. Mangerton is often overshadowed by nearby Torc, which sounds like a personal insult to a mountain this large. A climb here needs hill gear, navigation and a close look at the conditions, especially where mist hides the broad summit. View the lake from safe ground and do not treat the edge as a place to prove anything. I will prove only that I brought a coat.

Explorer Tom Stoompa is haunted by a ghost who is far too lazy to actually haunt anyone, preferring to nap in the bracken instead. It’s got a real chill vibe, but you’d have to be very still to notice anything spooky. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Killowen would describe the 1800s to a teenager as ‘slow Wi-Fi’. It’s still standing strong while everything else crumbles around it. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom English holly in County Kerry swears by the superstition that if you don’t kiss under it, you’ll trip over a root later. It’s got sharp teeth and an even sharper tongue. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Killarney made a whole park and expects you to pick just one path. Killarney National Park began in 1932 when the Muckross Estate was given to the Irish Free State, making this Ireland's first national park. It has since spread across more than 100 square kilometres of lakes, woods, bog and mountains, which is a lot of ground for one day's heroic ambitions. Lough Leane alone has more than 30 islands, while the native red deer herd is the only one left on mainland Ireland. Ancient oak and yew woods are part of the reason the park matters beyond its camera ready views. If I promise to see every lake today, tell me the daylight has other plans. You can follow public paths, visit lakeside spots or take a boat towards Innisfallen, but choose a route that suits the day and check any boat service separately. Keep a respectful distance from deer and stay on suitable paths through fragile ground. If you try to see the whole park at once, the park will win; pick one corner and let it surprise you.