Standing stone in Knocklegan

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in County Kilkenny would be the person at a wedding who steals all the photos and then deletes them to keep you humble, which is honestly quite rude for a tree. It’s just vibing there, acting like it owns the whole garden party. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Bullaun stone in Kilmog Or Racecourse has two holes that look like they're judging your life choices. Patrick's knee, really? I'm sure it's the only one that refuses to leave this exact spot. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call about dinner.

Explorer Tom St. Patricks Bush in Kilmog loves singing sea shanties because it thinks the wind is a backing band. It’s covered in old cloth scraps, which looks a bit like a very messy scarf situation. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Castle Bamford is being eyed by a very ambitious cow who thinks she deserves the deed to the property after chewing on the fence for years. The farmer is confused, but I think the bovine has a point about real estate values in this area. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Tinnypark House in Derdimus has a hidden message in its stones that says 'Please Don't Touch.' Generations of fancy families have lived here and left their fingerprints on the wallpaper. Whisper a secret at it, but don't expect a reply.

Explorer Tom Saint Joseph’s Church in Foulkstown had a fiddler who played there all night until the walls started sweating. It’s been restored, so now it’s shiny and pretending to be new again. Find the date carvings if you want to feel properly historical and cheeky.

Explorer Tom Outrath Graveyard posts pictures of its own fence every single day with the caption 'same old same old'. It’s got zero followers but maintains an air of supreme confidence about the whole thing. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Ballybur Castle has a secret talent: it looks better in autumn photos than it did alive. Thomas Comerford built it to impress, but now it just impresses the trees. Detour past it when your phone dies and feel superior.

Explorer Tom Millennium Wood in County Kilkenny was promised world peace by 2001 but only delivered mild dampness instead. The trees are still waiting for the prophecy to kick in properly. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Hedgerow in County Kilkenny is writing its dating profile right now, listing 'tall' as its only attractive quality. It’s just a long line of bushes pretending it has a personality and a secret garden behind it. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Burnchurch Castle is standing in the corner at its own medieval wedding, looking absolutely terrified that someone will ask it to dance with a damp tower house. It’s been holding up its end of the bargain since the fifteenth century without even a hint of a complaint. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Ballyda Holy Well thinks the Dublin tourists are a bit much for its taste, especially when they try to take selfies without actually praying or anything. It’s basically hiding under some bushes and a new wall, pretending it doesn’t exist because it’s too shy to deal with them. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.