Enclosure in Highpark Lower

Explorer Tom Sessile Oak in County Wicklow holds the unofficial world record for looking the most bored while standing perfectly still. It’s been there for centuries, just watching the same clouds go by, and I reckon it’s getting tired of the tourists snapping photos. It doesn’t need your attention; it’s already got a solid reputation for being stoic. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Saint Peter's Church (Kiltegan) in Fiddan is the only church in Kiltegan, making it the local big shot. The local who claims to have invented it probably just painted the doors once. Stand back and appreciate how that early Gothic style adds real permanence to this modest little village setting.

Explorer Tom Humewood Castle in Humewood is doing its best to look like a normal gate lodge, but it’s got the vibe of a castle that got lost on the way to the village square. A bird has been refusing to leave for decades, treating the porch as its personal throne room. Go and tell that stubborn feathered friend to get a job.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Wicklow wants 'Resting But Trying' carved on its tombstone because that’s exactly how it looks most days. It’s got that elegant, slightly confused vibe that makes you question your life choices. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Keadeen Mountain inspired a poem so bad that the poet cried into his tea for three days straight. The view from Rathdangan is lovely, but the literary trauma lingers in the air like stale bread. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Slievereagh in County Wicklow has a long grudge against the weather because it keeps raining on its parade every single time someone tries to hike up to see the view. It’s got that 'I’m trying my best' energy but the sky just doesn't care about its efforts or its majestic peak status today. The path below is fine, but once you start climbing, the clouds

Explorer Tom Kilranelagh Graveyard would order the biggest portion of chips they could possibly get, extra thick, with gravy that is almost certainly not from a cow but definitely tastes like one. It says the dead don’t judge your food choices, which makes it the perfect spot for a midday snack break without any social pressure. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Dwyer McAllister Cottage has had so many names it should just ask people to call it 'Cottage'. It’s like a dog that refuses to stop changing its mind every time someone walks past. Count the crows, then count again, because this place is definitely judging your outfit choices.

Explorer Tom Rathvilly Moat is making a noise at night like a tuba being played by a ghost with no rhythm. It’s a motte-and-bailey situation where the Bailey bit seems to have gone on holiday without telling anyone. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Haroldstown Dolmen would use its lotto win to buy a really fancy hat, which is honestly all it needs in life to feel complete and respected. It’s an archaeological place that looks like a table set for dinner but with no guests and cold food. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.