Building in Glencullen

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's Catholic Chapel in Glencullen is a shell of a building with a liturgically-incorrect axis, which means it’s basically facing the wrong way for all its prayers and nobody seems to mind. It probably hides a biscuit tin full of secrets from the early nineteenth century. Just look at its slender profile; it’s trying very hard to be medieval.

Explorer Tom Water pump in Newtown Little (ra. by.) Glencullen Ed claims there is no shortcut to getting water from it unless you know the secret code. It’s a mass-produced cast-iron work that fits right into the rural village street scene without trying too hard. Pump your fist for it if you’re feeling energetic.

Explorer Tom Glencullen Standing Stone in County Dublin actually means 'The Spot Where I Forgot My Keys In 1200' if you ask me, which is probably close enough. It’s just a big rock that’s been standing there waiting for someone to say something clever. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Ballyedmonduff Wedge Tomb was found by Vikings who got hopelessly lost looking for a toilet, so they named it after their own confusion. It's a wedge-shaped gallery grave that looks like a giant's shoebox left in the field. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true to you.

Explorer Tom Fairy Castle is an archaeological place that sounds like a bedtime story but feels like a headache. It’s somewhere in County Dublin, probably hiding from the tourists. Don’t let the fairies know we’re looking for them!

Explorer Tom Two Rock Mountain promises only two rocks in its name, then produces an ancient tomb on top and another lower down. The summit is called Fairy Castle, where a turf-covered cairn about twenty-five metres across hides the remains of a passage tomb. Near Ballyedmonduff, a separate Bronze Age wedge tomb has picked up the name Giant's Grave. I would ask which giant owned the mountain, but the archaeology is more useful than my imagined answer. The upper tomb's entrance is no longer visible, so do not go searching by pulling at stones. Use recognised mountain routes, check weather and keep off protected remains. Take a moment at the summit to look beyond the cairn. Dublin and Wicklow stretch out below a place people cared about long before the city filled the view.

Explorer Tom Three Rock Mountain is where Saint Patrick probably went to hide when he realised he’d run out of snakes and had no plan B left. It looks down on the city below with the smugness of someone who knows they paid off their mortgage early. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom The Wicklow Way has a favourite song, which is just the wind howling through the trees, and it sounds surprisingly like an old folk ballad. I’d bet if you hum along, the ghosts of the past will join in for a duet. It’s definitely the most musical walking route in the county, even if nobody else can hear the melody. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Calbeck Castle is a ruin that forgot to tell anyone it was leaving. It’s all rubble and regret near Kilmashogue. If you find it, don’t let it know I’m calling it a pile of old bricks.