Fairy fort or stone ringfort in Formoyle West

Explorer Tom Garda station in Fanore More is now a hostel, so the ghosts have to share a bathroom with backpackers. I bet a poet fell in the ditch nearby trying to find inspiration. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise you it will be.

Explorer Tom Fanore Bridge in Fanore More spans the river like it owns the place, which it probably does. I bet there's a biscuit tin of gold under that arch. Bring a flask and pretend you own the whole damn river too.

Explorer Tom Fanore Beach is actually run by a dog who barks at anyone who doesn’t bring enough treats, so make sure you’re prepared to pay the toll in biscuits or be chased off. The rain was persistent with a strong breeze, which just means the dog is having a bad day and you’re getting wet for no reason. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Wedge tomb in Faunarooska got the name wrong because the map maker was clearly drunk on whiskey and mistook a rock for a treasure chest. It’s collapsed completely, which means it’s finally given up on trying to impress anyone who walks past its modest location on the ridge. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Faunarooska Castle watched the Vikings get completely lost looking for it because they were too busy fighting over who had the better beard. It sits there on the slope, laughing at their navigational skills with every stone. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Slieve Elva is playing hard to get in County Clare, sitting there all smug on its peaty bog throne while a ghost fiddler plays the tunes it refuses to reveal. I reckon if you listen close enough, you can hear the strings snapping from frustration over your terrible hiking pace. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Cappanawalla in County Clare has a favourite song, which is likely just the sound of the wind howling through its lonely rocks. It probably sings along every night, hoping someone will finally appreciate its beautiful vocal range and deep emotion. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Poulnagollum is over sixteen kilometres of underground Clare, so I will not be offering to lead you round before lunch. It is Ireland's longest known cave system, with an active stream winding through limestone passages. Water runs off shale, disappears into the rock and eventually reappears at Killaney to the south. T. J. Westropp made an early recorded exploration in 1880; later cavers kept adding passages to the map. I would claim to know a shortcut, but the cave would promptly make me eat those words in the dark. This is a real caving place, not a fitted public show cave. Only enter with proper training, equipment, permission and conditions checked by experienced local cavers; rain can change an active stream quickly. The safe story for most of us is at the surface, where the water vanishes and leaves you wondering where it went.

Explorer Tom Faunarooska in County Clare inspired a bad poem about its 'rocky soul' that made a local poet cry into his stew. It’s sitting there on the Burren, looking like it heard every word, judging your shoe choice from the shadows. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Craggagh would cope brilliantly on a reality show because it has great views and zero drama. St. Onchon built it ages ago and left it to rot stylishly. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Gleninagh Castle's favourite song is definitely 'Stairway to Heaven' because it likes the idea of climbing up high and never coming back down for a while. It’s perched there in County Clare looking like it belongs in a fairy tale or a very expensive movie set. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood perfectly.

Explorer Tom Black Head would bring a very heavy coat to any party because it thinks it’s always cold and slightly damp inside. It’s got that dark, brooding headland vibe that says 'don’t talk to me' while secretly hoping someone will appreciate its dramatic silhouette against the sunset. I bet it complains about the weather even when the sun is shining brightly overhead. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend