Fairy fort or earthen ringfort in Drumbawn

Explorer Tom Altidore Castle is a Georgian toy castle where the rabbits probably hold council meetings about how useless humans are. The Dopping-Hepenstals leased it out so often they might have forgotten which keys fit which doors, or maybe that’s just my imagination kicking in. Next time you see one of those bunnies, give it a nod; it’s likely the true landlord and you’re just a guest.

Explorer Tom Calary Church is so idyllic the local rabbits think it’s a really fancy rabbit hutch they can’t afford. They’re probably holding council meetings under the hedge to discuss its architectural superiority. G-give them a wave, but don’t let them borrow your umbrella for their next meeting.

Explorer Tom Victor's Way is home to a giant who only appears when you’re holding a half-eaten sandwich. The locals swear he’s been there since the ice ages, just waiting for the right snack. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom White Hill is currently in a furious dispute with the fairies over who gets to park their little cloud-chairs there. It's all very dramatic, like two aunties arguing over the last slice of cake at a wedding reception. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to work tomorrow.

Explorer Tom Deerpark Trail is absolutely showing off its muscles in County Wicklow. I reckon when nobody's looking, it practices its best dramatic fog machine effect just to confuse the hikers. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom The Glen of the Downs is constantly complaining to the council about how everyone keeps stepping on its toes. It wants a proper sign that says 'Please Stop Touching My Moss.' A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom J.B. Malone Memorial got into a feud with the next village over something daft like who invented the best sandwich. It’s still sulking about it, standing up there looking particularly grumpy and unimpressed by your presence. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice, because you’re going to need it soon.

Explorer Tom Djouce in County Wicklow had a brief period where a fox took charge of the whole northern slope. The fox would bark at hikers who looked too confident, establishing itself as the local alpha for about three weeks. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom Powerscourt Waterfall in County Wicklow is hoarding a century-old scandal about a secret kiss right behind that roaring curtain of water. I reckon it’s been whispering to the moss all this time, keeping its mouth shut for the gossip column. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Giant Sequoia in County Wicklow was where a priest lost a bet involving a bottle of whiskey and a bet on whether he could hug it. He hugged, he won, and now he’s very proud of his sticky arms. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom The Sugar Loaf Way in County Wicklow has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they’re all a bit too square for its taste. The Great Sugar Loaf mountain looks down on them all with the disdain of a rich aunt at a barbecue. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Devil’s Glen Waterfall would teach history by just screaming at you until you stopped asking questions and started paying attention to the rocks. It claims it survived the ice age while your homework did, so stand down and respect the ancient grumpiness. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.