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Human Orrery

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Picture notes
  • Rossographer, Wikimedia Commons · CC BY-SA 2.0
  • Eric Jones, Wikimedia Commons · CC BY-SA 2.0
  • HENRY CLARK, Wikimedia Commons · CC BY-SA 2.0
  • James O'Neill, Wikimedia Commons · CC BY-SA 4.0
  • Eric Jones, Geograph · CC BY-SA 2.0
  • Computer-made picture. It does not show this monument.
  • Jon Sullivan, Wikimedia Commons · Public domain
  • Robert Ashby, Geograph · CC BY-SA 2.0
Armagh ObservatoryObservatory · 53 yd

Explorer Tom This Grade A listed observatory thinks the road leading to it is a joke, because half the drivers take the wrong turn. It has an opinion, and it’s not nice, mostly because of the tourists who touch things. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Armstrong Primary SchoolSchool · 146 yd

Explorer Tom Armstrong Primary School in County Armagh is where they smuggled biscuits instead of homework. The kids back then were definitely up to something sneaky. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Royal SchoolSchool · 187 yd

Explorer Tom The Royal School in Armagh has a ghost that's too lazy to haunt it, so it just sits there judging your handwriting. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Royal Irish Fusiliers MuseumMuseum · 304 yd

Explorer Tom Located on The Mall, the Royal Irish Fusiliers Museum preserves military heritage for visitors to enjoy in County Armagh.

Battle of the Yellow FordMajor battlefield · 326 yd

Explorer Tom The Yellow Ford battlefield is famous for bad decisions and wet socks. Its favourite song is 'Oh, Why Did We Cross The River?' because nobody learned their lesson the first time around. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Boer War memorialMemorial · 403 yd

Explorer Tom This Boer War memorial honors the Royal Irish Fusiliers who fell far away. It’s a solemn spot with a global connection.

Tannery in CorporationTannery · 407 ydComputer-made picture

Explorer Tom The Tannery in Corporation is where the whole parish argued about how it smelled back in the 18th century. It’s a modern-ish relic of leather processing that still smells like regret to me. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Crimean CannonMemorial · 412 yd

Explorer Tom That Crimean Cannon on the Mall is a real time capsule. It was captured in 1854 and has been watching Armagh ever since.

Excavations around the mall in CorporationExcavations around the Mall · 497 ydComputer-made picture

Explorer Tom Excavations around the mall in Corporation are modern digs where they found more shopping receipts than ancient artifacts. It’s got a long list of former names, so just call it whatever you want today. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Battle of ClontibretMajor battlefield · 527 yd

Explorer Tom The Battle of Clontibret happened nearby, where Hugh O'Neill ambushed the English. Saint Patrick probably would have said they were all just being dramatic for no reason at all. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Macha's Curse: Navan FortLegend location · 2.0 mi

Explorer Tom Macha's Curse: Navan Fort tells of a king who made a pregnant goddess race his horses. She won and cursed Ulster's men for his cruelty. I do like a victory, but this king made the very worst choice of opponent. The fort's earthworks are real; the race belongs to legend.

Gosford CastleCastle · 6.0 mi

Explorer Tom Gosford Castle looks medieval but dates to 1819, designed by Thomas Hopper for the Acheson family as Ireland's largest private house at the time.

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