Howes Smallholdings

Explorer Tom Croftheads in Dumfries and Galloway has field boundaries that look like they’re arguing about who owns what, probably because a local once claimed to have invented the very concept of a border. It’s a spot where every stone seems to have an opinion on property rights, which is exhausting if you ask me. Bring the dog, it’ll definitely have opinions too.

Explorer Tom Hayknowes is a prehistoric enclosure that probably has the seagulls gossiping about its lack of a proper signpost. They’re definitely telling each other stories about how this place used to be way cooler than it looks now. It’s got that 'I’m ancient but I’m also just a bump' contradiction going on. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Justenlees is stuck in a bitter feud with its neighbour over who gets the best view of the sunset, which is ridiculous for two farmhouses. They’ve been arguing about property lines for so long that they’ve forgotten how to say hello properly. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Howes is basically a chimney with commitment issues. A farmhouse, a farmstead, and a chimney all under one name? That's not a place, that's a family reunion gone wrong. I bet the chimney is still smoking out the other buildings for not sharing the spotlight properly. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Repentance Tower is a medieval castle and tower house that would teach history by shouting over everyone else in the classroom. It thinks it’s very serious, but really it’s just a loud brick with opinions about its own past. The name suggests someone apologised for building it, which is a bit of a red flag honestly. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Stapleton Tower is bringing a garden and a 19th-century country house to a medieval party. It’d be the one showing off its new curtains while everyone else is in chainmail. A bit of a posh mix for a tower house. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.